Urban Mountain Climbing and Avoiding Arrest
by: Matt Hoebeke
I stepped out for some fresh air just after 1 AM on a summer night in 2014. I was too sober for the party and needed a breather. It’s not that I wasn’t having fun, but I was having a, “I’m only going to listen to old Mayday Parade and Taking Back Sunday songs” type of week. “Three Cheers for Five Years” and “Cute Without the E” were the only things making any sense and drinking only forced me to feel and act more pathetic. Have you ever looked at your Time Hop from 4 years ago and thought, “I can’t believe I was such a loser” when viewing your old Tweets? That’s the best way to describe the pathetic feelings I was having that night. Some of the Tweets from that night still make me cringe to this day. So I took a walk to clear my head.
At some point during my brief walk I had decided that I was going to climb a building. And not just a random building. THE building. The building that I would point to every time I drove by it and say “I’m going to climb that thing.” Why? No idea. I guess there’s just something that appeals to the primate in me about climbing things I shouldn’t climb. I imagine it’s the same feeling that compels people to summit mountains or ride the Top Thrill Dragster.
I must have made this decision before I left my apartment, because at that moment I realized that I had been carrying the traffic horse that my friend Eric and I had picked up a few weeks prior. Even with a buzz, I must have realized that if I were going alone, I was going to need a boost somehow. Apparently that was the only thing I could think to grab. I’m pretty sure we borrowed it from this same building anyway.
This building was like my personal Mt. Everest. Have you ever looked at a tree and noticed that it was perfect for climbing –the type of tree that has branches and hand holds in all the right places? This building was essentially the man-made version of that tree.
I made my way around the back of the building. A motion sensor light turned on and momentarily blinded me. I put the traffic horse down by the lowest corner of the roof and used it to boost myself up. I made my way to the top of a slant that faced the road and perched against a window. It was surreal to be able to sit out in the open night air and watch the cars go by, knowing that nobody could see me or even knew I was there. I had my own private mountain top to clear my head on. It was a perfect night to look at the stars. I had just resolved to come back to this place for the rest of the summer when a police car pulled into the driveway.
Shit.
I sobered up in an instant and came to two important realizations. The first was that the motion sensor light probably was the result of me triggering some sort of alarm. The second was that I’d left the traffic horse open at the edge of the roof where I climbed up. I could not have left it in a more conspicuous place. Anyone who’s ever climbed anything would have been able to look at it and figure out exactly why it was there. But it was too late to do anything about it, so I flattened myself against the shingles and held my breath.
This cop was not playing around. If I had to guess, this was some young gun fresh out of the academy who was excited to see his first bit of action. He started doing a perimeter check around the building to see if any windows were broken or if anyone was lurking around. Somehow he thought nothing of my stepping stool, so I was in the clear for a little bit longer. I could see him shining his flashlight into the woods. I kept reminding myself of something I’d read once; People don’t look above their normal line of sight. I decided to put that random bit of trivia to the test and try to wait it out on the roof.
After a few laps, it looked like I was in the clear. The cop went back to his car and started pulling out of the parking lot. I was just about to move when I noticed he turned his lights completely off. He drove across the street and parked next to a building. It was a pretty good hiding spot. Had I not been on that part of the roof, I would have fallen for it. Luckily for me, I could still see him.
At this point, I’d been stranded on that roof for at least 20 minutes, but the cop still wouldn’t leave. It’s like he knew somehow that I was there, but had absolutely no idea where. I imagine it was the most frustrating game of hide and seek ever. Sorry bro, I’m a dynamite hider.
The cop tried another clever trick where he again crossed the street without his lights on — this time at a much higher speed. He whipped into the lot and threw his lights on like he expected some kind of “gotcha” moment like the end of a good Scooby Doo Mystery. He seemed defeated when he did his next perimeter check around the building. His flashlight seemed like it pointed lower as he hung his head in defeat. I realized that this was my chance. Besides, he would have figured out I was on the roof eventually. When he rounded the corner to go back to his car, I had to move.
So that’s what I did.
I jumped off the roof. The adrenalin kept me from realizing that I fucked up my ankle on the landing. There was no time to think about that, anyway. I sprinted toward the sidewalk and glanced over my shoulder to see the cop approaching his car, probably getting ready for a stake out.
Or did he see me?
I wasn’t going to wait to find out. I ran through the next parking lot and into someone’s back yard. I emerged onto a side road where I could actually see the cop car in the parking lot still. If he didn’t see me before, he must have seen me now. Nothing says “I’m a suspicious character” like emerging from someone’s yard in a dead sprint at 2 AM. I cut into another yard, ran by an open window, and ducked under tree branches. I made it a few blocks and then decided to slow down. I started being stealthy and dodging behind parked cars and bushes. Every set of headlights could have been the cop. I made my way back to my apartment complex and opted to jump the fence in fear of the police officer seeing me if I went through the main entrance. I was convinced I was somehow being followed.
I got into the apartment to find all of my friends passed out on my couches and floor. Once I got my breath back, I realized that I’d probably done all of that running for nothing. Super cop was probably still watching the building, totally oblivious to my daring escape. But better safe than sorry. If I got arrested, my mom would have killed me.
To this day, I still think of my urban mountain top. Nothing can quite match the serenity of sitting beneath the sky on the roof. There’s a feeling of invincibility that comes with conquering a mountain, whether it be physical or metaphorical. I can think of few times that I’d ever felt as alive as I did that night. It was a night of clarity that made me realize just how crazy life could be and how fleeting everything is.
The next day, I listened to different songs and felt better. Who knew trespassing and evading the police could pull me out of what very well could have been the second coming of Emo-Matt? I guess life’s funny like that.
Matt Hoebeke is the bassist for Saginaw, MI’s Second Best and aspires one day to run the social media of a content creating company. You can follow him on Twitter.
