To manage family resources jointly or individually! 🤷‍♀️ “AKAMEEZA!”
As we bid my dad farewell, my mum used her speech to share insights about things that made her marriage a success. She spoke fondly about her best friend, her husband, and I keep receiving notes from my friends reflecting on her words. I will pass on these nuggets of wisdom in tranches starting now. So, here goes……
“ I hear people talking about Akameeza, but I can not relate. What is “Akameeza?” — Mrs. Tibeesigwa
Ugandans reading this blog must be familiar with this term. For the non-Ugandans, Akameeza is some kind of allowance or upkeep that women receive from their husbands to help them meet the family’s day-to-day needs. There are so many debates about this, though. Some men believe that if the woman earns a salary, or if he already pays for everything at home, then akameeza is not justified. Others still give this allowance but to be used for anything but family expenses. It is quite the debate.
Well, my mother knew no such thing as “akameeza”. She shared that in her case, dad disclosed all that he earned and gave it to her to plan for the family. I know some friends who would frown even at the thought of that. But why is that?
I believe it comes down to the lack of trust amongst couples. Most discussions I have heard on this aspect with people who are against full disclosure and joint money management have backed it with the need for security and not knowing what tomorrow holds = lack of trust. Similarly, women also hold onto their earnings and do not fully disclose to their husbands. If you have chosen to and are committed to spending the rest of your life with someone and know that you are both acting in each other’s interests, why wouldn’t you want to manage your resources jointly? I know the world we live in today is nothing like it was several years ago but one thing that is constant is the role that trust plays in this blurry picture.
Managing funds together does not only force you to work together and agree, disagree, or agree to disagree, but it all also creates financial discipline, accountability to one another, and faster multiplication of resources.
My husband and I manage our resources jointly. It could be because I saw it while growing up, and my parents had no issues or because a small voice in my mum’s tone is always in my head saying “never hide money from your husband”; but so far so good. My trust in my husband is high, mostly because of the manner in which we have handled this issue that tears many couples apart.
It is not all rosy, though. But again, nothing is 100% rosy. I occasionally miss my financial independence. That ability to spend on whatever I want, lend to whomever I want or buy my husband lavish gifts. However, I have had to learn to spend within my “play limits” lend sparingly, and now I can give him boxers and vests as a gift and blame the worksheet. Just kidding, I still save up for gifts befitting a king and honor him when I have a surplus.
I have watched our finances grow collectively, and as the family Chief Financial Officer, I have no regrets. I say it’s something worth exploring. Adjusting may take a bit of time, but once you are on board and your seat belt is well fitted, you will be glad that you did. At least I am.
It definitely doesn’t work for those that had made me their personal microfinance institution but it has worked for me and will benefit my children and their children.
Kudos dad… you defied the status quo. Forever ❤️
