The heroic victim
Was there ever a time in my life where I played this role? “Yes, no… well maybe” Do I play this role anymore? “No…well”… let me explain.
Many years ago it dawned on me that harping on a negative thought in my head about the ‘somewhat’ hard times that I had been going through in my life was because someone in the past ‘did me wrong’, so, I held on to that negative thought throughout my hard times and also through my many successes.
If one looks back at their life; and specially early life, there may be many things a friend, school teacher, parent or boss may have said to us that had a negative impact from the very second it came out of their mouth. And then, that was it, time stopped, we were shattered, unable to hear another word even though the conversation from their side was still continuing. We became the judge, the jury with our own unique hurt verdict, we became the misunderstood heroic victim, and this would now be the reality we were going to stick to for the rest of our life, with or without the other person knowing.
If we are truthful to ourselves, I am sure we have all been through this at some time in our life, but what I realized throughout this tiring and hectic process was that I needed to ask myself the following meaningfully crucial questions to finally free myself of these negative thoughts and draining feelings, and these life changing questions were:
(a) Was I was unnecessarily carrying a burden that I did not need? I definitely needed to get rid of this burden, to get it off my shoulders.
(b) Why am I empowering the other person, giving them so much importance? Should I not empower myself, or give myself that importance?
(c) Am I responsible for using what the other person said to me as my excuse? Using that excuse to maybe making myself lethargic in attaining what I really wanted.
Tough, but necessary questions; and the list continued, but I locked on to the above three which I felt were the most important for me at that time, and I actually worked on them everyday, as can you.
Spending time on asking yourself these questions and then answering them as many times as needed will help you get the ‘victim’ syndrome out of your system. It may take a little time, but it is possible. I know some people who got this understanding in less that a second, for some like me, it took longer although, in the long run, it is worth it for the sake of your own sanity, as life may not be as long as we perceive it to be.
Once you realize that you are not the victim and that you really don’t need to play that card, you become free of that particular anxiety. You can now move forward and improve yourself. From your experience you may also positively inspire and empower someone to be the person they want to be. Many more things may be possible as every second of our life brings a new opportunity for which we can be grateful for.
Blessings to you.
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