What I want

I want someone to hand me a love letter
And run away. I want words to mean
Exactly what they mean, and eyes
To stay dry when there’s nothing to say.
I want to say fuck you, loudly.
I want to say fuck you again,
Because there’s nothing else to say.
I want to meet your girlfriend,
I want to be a friend of your family -
Tell her I met you at college.
I’ll be wearing the ring of another man,
A man who gave me a love letter
And ran, with eyes saying so many things
I couldn’t read it all until the end — the letter
Stayed in my hand for a long time.
I want to show you the letter and tell you « this,
« This is how I should be loved. Fuck you. »
I’m drawing rectangles and triangles in the sand,
For plans of a future escape and you -
You’re pretending you have to make up your mind,
But who would choose one when they can have two.

I got dressed up to see you and met your girlfriend.
I didn’t know she would be there, standing in
The fuzzy yellow light of the same street –
I was waiting for you and so was she.
I know, because I know exactly what she looks like — 
She’s like a little girl and you like to pull her long brown hair
When you take her from behind.
I know exactly what you whisper in her ear
Because you’ve whispered the same things in mine.

So we waited a little way from each other,
Both all dolled up, me with more make-up,
She with a slightly shorter skirt, me alone
And breathless at her being so close, she
Unaware, laughing with a circle of your friends -
And you didn’t see me as you stepped out, or else
You shielded your gaze away, to turn towards
The legitimate eye of an embracing circle
I didn’t belong to— all my words were stolen — 
So I ran as you bent towards her — I turned
And ran from you, walking as fast as I could
In my stupid useless heels — I ran with eyes
Saying so many things you could never have read them all.
And my love letter was given to the wrong person.
And you said we would still be friends.
And you said …

I want someone to hand me a love letter
And run away. I want words to mean
Exactly what they mean, and eyes
To stay dry when there’s nothing to say.
I want to say fuck you, loudly.
I want to say fuck you again,
Because there’s nothing else I want to say.