Boys, boys, BOYS!!!!!!!!!! An hour in the life of.

Its been one of those days. They are DRIVING ME MAD.

Standard look these days.

I have recently started back at work after 6 long years of being at home, and as I am now working 4 days a week (working in a paid job that is, obviously added to all of the unpaid slavery I do anyway), I have been determined to cherish and enjoy my one day in the week with them.

So today we all get up having had a lie in until 6.03am (anything starts with a 6 and I am immensely grateful) and get ready leisurely (by 8am). Husband helpfully takes eldest to school and having realised all my mum friends are working or otherwise engaged the sad truth sets in that I have a very long day stretching ahead to entertain two very small kids. Add to that it is quite literally pissing it down and the 1 year old is snotty and teething.

Whilst I attempt to get the breakfast dishes done, the 3 year old decides to roam the house and find every duvet, pillow and cushion from every room and throw them in a heap before nagging at me to spread them out to make his den. Which I dutifully do. Whilst I am doing this he gets out the car mats and 372 small cars to push around, the 1 year old then tries to grab some, they push each other and the 1 year old falls over and bangs his head screaming. I fetch him a biscuit a drink and a cuddle and tell the 3 year old his den is ready in the hope he will sod off in there and give me 30 seconds peace. Nope.

The 3 year old then says he doesn’t want to play dens and heads upstairs. Whilst the 1 year old pushes cars round I ignore the little voice in my head knowing there will be carnage upstairs and take the opportunity to put away all of the duvets, pillows and cushions before I look for the 3 year old. Needless to say he has snuck into 6 year olds room (who is at school and bans anyone from entering his room) and trashed the 183 piece train track he spent 2 hours building before school. Knowing what a emotional wreck he is after school I attempt to rebuild the sodding train track whilst yelling at the 3 year old.

I then hear screaming from downstairs and run down to find the 1 year old has shut himself in the understairs cupboard in the dark so whilst trying to pacify him yet again with another biscuit, the call comes from upstairs ‘mum ive done a poo’ and I have to plonk down now hysterical 1 year old and shut the stairgate in his grumpy face whilst sprinting upstairs before my new bathroom is decorated in poo.

Imprisoned behind the stairgate again.

Feeling like a weight is off his mind the 3 year old trots downstairs while I clean up his shit (literally), then make my way downstairs to find the pair of them eating a entire box of Cocopops off the kitchen floor.

Realising it is 8.43am I give up. Put Netflix on and spend the rest of the day feeding them Jaffa cakes and apple juice. Husband comes home and asks if we’ve had a good day at which point I try not to punch someone and go and rock myself quietly in the bedroom.

Big two watching TV whilst youngest attempts a Tom Daly special onto the porcelain floor

I felt the need to share this snippet of our day as I have read with anger the critics slamming the ‘slummy mummy’ craze on social media. I defy anyone to live with my boys (who are not bad kids they are NORMAL kids) for more than a day and not have a moan.

For many of us mums just trying to get through the day, a shared moan and a group giggle and a feeling we are all up the creek without a paddle is what gets us through those dark times. For those of women who claim its always perfect and rosy good luck to you, for the rest of us, keep eating the fishfingers and drinking the gin. Chin chin.

So whats a normal hour like in your household, is everything rosy or are you too, up the creek without a paddle?!

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