DAN BACON’S ‘HOW TO TALK TO A WOMAN WHO IS WEARING HEADPHONES’: THE FEMINIST EDIT.

TL;DR — Don’t.

Leave me the fuck alone, for realz dawg

I had some coffee and I did a quick re-write on Dan’s article. I hope he doesn’t mind. He can send the cease and desist letters in the form of a podcast, and then maybe I’ll listen to it, with my headphones, that I won’t take off, when you fucking approach me.

HOW TO TALK (OR JUST LIKE DON’T) TO A WOMAN WHO IS WEARING HEADPHONES.

These days, many women walk around playing with a smartphone or tablet device and are often wearing headphones and listening to music at the same time.

That means you can’t talk to them.

Of course, not all women are open to being approached because not all women are single and looking. Surprisingly, even women who are single and looking often don’t want to be approached either, as just because they are single and looking doesn’t mean that’s what they’re concentrating on RIGHT NOW unlike you also who the fuck even are you, I don’t even…

Look bro, ultimately, even if a woman wearing headphones is single and hoping to meet a boyfriend (or even a new lover), she will almost never be happy to take off her headphones to give you an opportunity to create a spark with her. Because she’s got her headphones in. That means she doesn’t want to fucking talk to you. So if you try, you’re already scoring nul points on the potential fuck-boy-ometer. Because social cues, respect of boundaries and common decency matter, dick-weed.

I WANT TO SAY HI BUT SHE WEARS HEADPHONES

(TL;DR: then don’t.)

Her taking off her headphones doesn’t always mean that she is super interested and wants you to ask for her number or anything serious like that. Sometimes, it’s simply because she wants to make sure you’re not going to rape and kill her right this second, even if you plan to later.

If you are able to create a spark with her and build up her attraction and interest for you, she will almost maybe but probably not be interested in giving you her phone number or even turning off the music to have a coffee or bite to eat with you to get to know you even more.

If you are not able to however, and if she tells you roundly to fuck the fuck off and stop harassing women in the streets you stupid cunt, you apologise profusely and indeed fuck the fuck off, and stop harassing women. You then go home, evaluate your behaviour, surmise that it was disrespectful and threatening and that while you may find interactions with strangers on the street disarming and lovely, you’ve never been a woman, and can’t possibly hope to understand what it is like to live a day in their shoes. So even if you believe social interactions on the street are pleasant, you accept the fact she doesn’t, and endeavour to respect that position in the future.

Mkay?

Here’s how a woman’s attraction for a man works and how you can use that to get her to want more than just a quick conversation with you… Like for instance, for you to just fuck the fuck off.

WHAT TO DO TO GET HER ATTENTION

(TL;DR — don’t)

  1. Stand in front of her (with 1 to 1.5 meters between you). Now she has noticed you, because you’ve invaded her personal space. She has a tingle down her spine, wondering, as women do at least 4 times a day: ‘is this guy going to ruin my day? Please don’t ruin my day… please just go.’

2. Have a relaxed, easy-going smile. Now she’s convinced: oh fuck, you’re going to ruin her day. Here we fucking go. If she’s particularly experienced, she has her mini-mace in hand by now.

3. Is she hasn’t already looked up at you, because she’s hoping you’ll get the fucking message if you don’t simply don’t get her attention at fucking all. Don’t wave your hand in her direct line of vision so she can’t ignore it. Just fucking fuck off. Go away. Seriously bruh.

4. When she finally fucking looks at you because jesus fucking christ this shit again, smile and point to her headphones and say, “Sorry, I didn’t see you were busy.” Then fuck off.

If she doesn’t understand (most women will), simply gesture that you want to talk to her by briefly pointing back and forth from you to her and say, “I want to talk to you for a minute.” If she shakes her head, and tells you ‘I don’t want to talk to you for a minute’, respect that her position is as valid as yours and that you don’t get to enforce your will on her and fucking fuck off.

In most cases, you won’t have to go to that extreme, because #notallmen are such cunts. But a whole bunch of you are, and some girls are shy and will be hesitant to take the headphones off right away because you’re fucking harassing them. So leave them the fuck alone.

5. Don’t do what we call “Acknowledging the Awkwardness” by quickly mentioning something about the awkwardness of the moment (see the conversation example below), to demonstrate you understand that approaching a woman in this way isn’t the most common of experiences for either party. As far as the woman is concerned, you started the awkwardness. If you feel the need to apologise for it, you should just fucking apologise and leave her the fuck alone. You won’t put her at ease and help her know you are a cool guy she can relax and open up to because you’re harassing her and no amount of sense of self-worth exhibiting from you is going to change that.

However, if you still don’t get the fucking message dawg…

WHAT TO SAY WHEN SHE TAKES OFF HER HEADPHONES

(TL;DR this is how it’ll most likely go if you keep acting the dick-weed)

You: [Smile in a friendly, confident manner] :) Hey — I know it’s not normal for people to talk to someone with headphones in, but I was walking along and saw you and thought — wow, she’s a cutie, I have to say hi. I’m Dan, what’s your name?

Woman: [Usually not at all flattered by the unsolicited creeping and unimpressed by the entitlement it took to approach her like that] Sorry, I’m busy…

You: [Add in some humor] You know I don’t normally talk to girls with headphones, but your big green headphones were just calling out to me.

Woman: Ok…

You: [Let her know that you have something to do/somewhere to go, so she understands that you’re not going to stand there talking to her for 30 minutes or rape and kill her right this minute thank fuck] Anyway, so I’m just out doing a bit of shopping at the moment. I’m on my way to a store up the street. How’s your day going so far?

Woman: Look, I’m trying to be polite, and you’re really not getting the message but I don’t like being approached in the street like this, it’s kind of threatening. So could you please respect my privacy and…

[She puts her headphones back on].

Then either cuss her out and call her an arrogant bitch and complain how all fucking feminists are such tight-ass bitches who don’t know a good man when they see one.

Alternatively, fucking fuck off.

A woman can’t just be approached anywhere, especially if she is wearing headphones, walking her dog in the park or working in a clothing store. Women are used to being harassed and their backs will be up the second a strange man tries to get their attention. Hearts aren’t won in fight-or-flight mode. Her life is stressful enough just being outside half the fucking time so leave her the fuck alone. As long as you have the right attitude and don’t approach women who have their headphones in, or just in general, everyone will live a happier, healthier life.

Tinder is always at your disposal if your ego needs a rub, dick-shine.

When a guy approaches a woman in a confident and self-assured way and asks her to take off her headphones because he has something to say to her, she usually will think you’re a potential domestic abuser. Seriously, she knows her friend’s ex-boyfriends. She’s seen you everywhere.

He then needs to make sure that the next thing that he says to her is absolutely fucking nothing because if it isn’t, she will usually put her headphones back on and gesture for him to leave her the fuck alone.

COMMON MISTAKES GUYS MAKE WHEN APPROACHING WOMEN WEARING HEADPHONES

1. Approaching them at all.

The first thing a woman wants to experience when she has her headphones in is whatever fucking podcast or playlist or youtube video of Benedict Cumberbatch doing otter impressions she’s in to.

If you’ve failed to get the fucking message and she is forced to interact with you, you force her to experience nervousness, anxiety and feeling of intimidation, and she won’t be able to feel much or any attraction for you. Why?

Because you’ve invaded her privacy, ignored her polite cues to be left alone, felt entitled to her time and attention and made comments about her appearance. You’re a fuckhead, basically. Women find fuckheads unattractive, by and large.

If a guy makes the ‘effort’ to get the attention of a woman who is wearing headphones, only to then behave in a nervous, fidgety or anxious way when she takes the headphones off to listen to him, maybe he has seen the error of his ways and there is some hope for the cunt yet.

A woman will determine whether she feels threatened by a guy within the first few seconds of the interaction.

For example: If a guy asks a girl to take off her headphones, you can guess what will happen next.

Headphones stay in and she’ll probably turn up the volume to block him out. Then when you fail to respect a polite no and start cussing her out, she’ll probably have to gather her shit and leave. So romantic. Such a gesture. Such ‘manliness’.

2. Not allowing her to ignore him

Headphones are a great barrier between a person and the rest of the world. That barrier should be respected.

If a guy wants to get a woman’s attention and she has headphones in, then that’s just tough shit. What you want doesn’t take precedence over all else, fella.

If a guy has a weak vibe or presence about him, a woman usually won’t notice him, or any guy for that matter, because she’s listening to her headphones, minding her own shit. Not focused on harassing strangers. Women are cool like that. Maybe that’s why you fancy them.

Be more woman, dawg. You might get laid more.

Women love to be left alone by guys. Will he walk away in respectful silence, or will he remain calm and continue talking to her in an entitled, threatening manner that ruins her fucking morning?

The latter is your way of guaranteeing her having no interest whatsoever, also a way of determining that you are mentally and emotionally unstable, and dangerous to a girl like her.

If a guy gives up at the first sign of resistance, most women will be absolutely fucking relieved.

3. Allowing her to take control of the interaction

No matter how confident or challenging a woman might behave, she still feels threatened by strange men invading her privacy and demanding their attention and interaction. A woman doesn’t want to be forced into an interaction with a guy, but she will engage if she believes it is the best thing for her own safety. Sexy as fuck, eh fellas? Love a scared woman. HMMM RARRRRGHH!!

Controlling an interaction with a woman is about bossing her around, being arrogant and too assertive. But in a quiet, psychopathic way you think she’s not going to notice, which makes all the difference. You assume the role of the man whatever the fuck that is or means. In other words, make her feel terrified around you because you think, behave and feel (your vibe) so toxic-masculine.

4. Sticking to polite or reserved conversation and not just fucking off like she wants you to

A guy who is trying to talk to a woman wearing headphones has to make his presence felt twice as quickly as a guy talking to a woman anywhere else. Because it takes a special kind of entitled cuntbucket to approach a woman wearing headphones with the intention of getting a number, and wanting to make his presence felt is sort of his cuntbucket jam.

Since she is wearing headphones, if those headphones come off, his conversation style wants to spark her attraction and interest but really it just makes her want to call the police.

If he begins asking her an endless amount of personal questions, or doesn’t take the conversation anywhere like fucking outside and away from her you piece of shit, she will quickly lose interest and return to her music or gather her shit and leave because you’ve ruined her morning.

Engaging conversation skills are essential in convincing yourself you are worthy of a strange woman’s time. But what’s better, is just leaving her the fuck alone.

5. Flirting

Flirting is the human way of communicating sexual interest between a consenting man and a woman. It is a way of saying to the other person, “I’m interested in you in a sexual way and I’d like to take this further,” without having to use words or creepy unsolicited sexual advances on strangers.

Flirting is a good way to establish attraction and to make your intentions known. But guys who approach a woman who is wearing headphones will usually hear, “Nice talking to you,” as she puts her headphones back in and zones him out.

MOST WOMEN ARE NOT OPEN TO BEING APPROACHED

As you may have noticed, women don’t usually go around approaching men. Because they know how much it fucking sucks. So take the hint.

Dan Bacon thinks that is the man’s role to be confident enough to walk over and talk to any woman he finds attractive. Because he’s a fucking creep. Women, on the other hand, mind their own fucking business, and don’t want to be approached by Dan fucking Bacon.

So, don’t ever think that you’re doing a good thing by approaching. Most women don’t wait and hope to be approached by a guy so that they actually have a chance to meet an abusive and threatening self-termed ‘alpha male’.

HOW TO TALK TO A WOMAN WEARING HEADPHONES: THE SECRET

Don’t. Fuck off. For reals. Just fuck off. Learn to go unnoticed. Learn to find other ways of validating yourself. There are arenas for this sort of behaviour, and increasingly limited spaces for women to be safe, alone, and unbothered. Don’t encroach further. Don’t be a cunt.

Don’t be Dan Bacon.