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Jennifer Brown, this is exactly the kind of smart advice I need for my busy lifestyle. What’s amazing to me is that no one (before you, genius!) had ever stopped to consider 1) there is more than one way to beat a dead horse, and 2) it’s not always a simple matter to parse them and choose the method that will further one’s agenda most efficiently. And thank you, too, for introducing me to JP Sears, obviously a great American, but also a dead ringer for Jesus H. Christ (the man, not the myth). It’s incredible the number of life hacks I’m getting from your single post!

For my money, No. 6 (Kick the Horse When He’s Down) is the clear winner because, in addition to the obvious benefits derived from beating a dead horse, I get the value-added aura of machismo that comes from kicking the dead horse while he’s down and while I’m also beating him. It requires a good deal of physical grace and good balance to beat and kick a downed horse simultaneously, but my years as a professional ballet dancer have stood me in good stead on that front. I’m really light on my feet. *

*Caution: Option No. 6 is not recommended for anyone who is age 60 years or older or who is seriously out of shape unless she or he first consults with a doctor. This is not for the faint of heart!