La Playa Zorriola

Why Slut Shaming Just Doesn’t Do Anything

I attend a small private in New York City, meaning the people I meet and socialize with will have the same opinion as me more or less due to similar incomes, neighborhoods, and education. Currently, there is a wave of feminism among the students washing through my school and the private schools surrounding it. That means that ‘slut-shaming’ is no longer a valid insult — if a man can sleep with ten women every week and receive no animosity, then a women should be able to do the same. I am a firm believer of this because women should be able to do what they want with their bodies without receiving any stigma a man would not get. Also, I frankly just don’t care who took who home last night after an evening at the local pub together. It’s none of my business, and nor is it anyone else's other then those tied up in the act.

When I went abroad to San Sebastion, Spain with a student study abroad program, my culture shock did not only come from the new country but also from my new peers. I remember the first time i heard the ‘S’ word be used. It was by a 15 year old girl describing another 15 year old girl at the dinner table. I thought that she wad awfully petty for using that word and avoided i have her since then. But as time went on, I met more and more people from different cities and I noticed that they too used the ‘S’ word, or at least variants of it. At first I was disgusted and argued my side of the story to try to persuade them to stop using it, but then I got used to the word and eventually just sat back and said nothing. After all, New York City isn’t the center of the universe and there are still people who hold more traditional beliefs.

It took me a while to accept that my rebuddles to their arguments wouldn’t change their minds just the same as theirs couldn’t change mine. But once I did accept the fact I started to listen to why they held such beliefs.

I got…

“You’re a child of God”
“Because it’s annoying and attention seeking”
“Because being a whore is bad”

But nothing swayed me until my last boyfriend said this:

“It’s because when you do it, you're giving that part of yourself to someone.”

That is what made me slow down and just really think about what I was doing and what I would lose. For so long I used to not hold much value to sex, but now I see it as the ultimate trust fall that you only try with your best friend.

Insulting or scaring girls into not sleeping with someone doesn’t work. Personally, I used to ignore the haters, but others may become upset with themselves and feel awful. Who is to win in that case scenario? Instead, we should all hold a heavy amount of pride to sex, so much so that it is our own business and not something to insult others about.

It all boils down to pride.

Have sex = Pride is lost

Don’t have sex = Have pride until you do have sex

It’s a social game of checkers and I don’t want to play.