9 Ways to Initiate Sex Without Fear of Rejection
9 Ways to Initiate Sex Without Fear of Rejection
You want it, but you’re not sure if they want it. You glance over at them, and they seem pretty focused on the latest Netflix binge. You think maybe if you initiated, they’d be receptive. Then you worry that they’ll turn you down. Rejection feels icky and causes an uncomfortable churning
feeling in your stomach. You want to avoid that feeling, so you avoid initiating.
Then, another week passes without the sexual connection you crave.
Women want sex. Women want great sex, but many women don’t know how to initiate sex without fearing rejection. This is true in new and long-term relationships. If you want to explore your sexual desires, learning to initiate sex is crucial. Read on for reasons we’re afraid to initiate sex, and some fun ways to let your partner know you’d like to get the orgasm ball rolling.
Why Are People Afraid to Initiate Sex?
The most basic answer to why we avoid initiating is that rejection stings. Human brains avoid negative feelings, so we avoid initiating. But the honest answer is a bit more nuanced than that.
Women learn from social norms and religious traditions that sexual desire is taboo. Women aren’t supposed to want sex (and they’re especially not supposed to want rough, wild, or explorative sex). So, when we start to feel our natural desires for touch, passion, and orgasms, we feel like part of us is broken. We suppress our cravings.
Eventually, we forget we even have desires. We want to feel wanted and know what our partner wants, but we’re so afraid of being seen as deviant freaks that we don’t reach out.
You deserve the sex life of your dreams. You can have as much pleasure as you want. You can learn how to initiate sex just like you can learn to ace a job interview or set boundaries with your mother-in-law.
Initiating Sex Should Be a Shared Responsibility
In a long-term relationship, each partner needs to take responsibility for initiating sex. People want to feel wanted, and we want connection, intimacy, and passion. You may feel your partner isn’t sexually interested in you if you’re always initiating.
On the other hand, if your partner is always initiating and you’re the recipient, they may wonder if you’re actually interested or just giving in to appease them. Initiating sex gives your partner the gift of your attention, affection, and desire.
9 Creative Ways to Initiate Sex
Sometimes you and your partner are in a groove where the slightest touch under the covers results in a round of under-the-cover wrestling that leaves you both breathless. Other times, though, initiating foreplay is a daunting task.
The key to initiating sex and bypassing your fear of rejection is to keep your efforts light and playful. Sex is play, after all, so making the first move playfully just makes sense. Here are nine creative ways to help you get comfortable initiating sex with your partner.
1. Write a Love Note:
This isn’t a G-rated note of adoration. This is a steamy love note detailing all the things you love about your partner’s body and all the things you’d like to do with them. Leave the message somewhere you know they’ll find it (on their pillow, in their favorite coffee mug, tucked under the keyboard in their home office). Follow-up your love note with a few flirty looks throughout the day, and your partner is sure to get the hint.
2. Send a Sex Invitation
This is a direct invitation for sexy time, a step up from a love note. Be specific and invite your partner to join you for a quickie during your lunch break, a blow job after the kids are in bed, or a massage after their evening shower. The invitation will get your partner thinking about sex long before the appointed time. Since the brain is the most important erogenous zone, they’re sure to be stimulated when your appointment rolls around. Send the invitation via email, your shared calendar, or via a hand-written note.
3. A Sex Menu
Create a sex menu of all the sex acts you and your partner enjoy (and maybe even a couple of fantasies you’d like to explore). Organize the list into appetizers (massage, tying each other up, lingerie), main courses (oral sex, penetrative sex, anal play, sex toys), and desserts (cuddling, sharing a snack). On days you’re in the mood to roll around, check off the items you’re interested in trying and leave it for them to find.
4. Schedule It
People often think that scheduling sex isn’t very sexy. But let’s reframe that. Your mindset is essential for having great sex. Scheduling a sex appointment gives you time to plan and get yourself in the right frame of mind to enjoy intimate touch and have an orgasm or seven.
If you struggle with sexual desire scheduling an appointment gives you time to take a warm bath, listen to or read erotica to get yourself in a sexual mindset, or anything else you need to ignite your arousal cycle.
5. Reminisce About Your Sexual Past
Every relationship is full of stories and inside jokes, and you can use that to your advantage when it comes to initiating sex. Start with “remember when” and relate the story of the best sex you’ve had together, or maybe even a silly story about your first time.
While relating the story, move closer to your partner, place your hand on their leg, or gently caress the side of their neck. By the time you finish reminiscing, you and your partner will both be turned on. You can use a kiss, a raised eyebrow, or a direct invitation to ask them to try recreating that memory.
6. Don’t Talk — Show Them
Sometimes we don’t need words at all. Stripping naked (or as naked as you’re comfortable getting) and grabbing your partner’s hand before leading them to the bedroom is sure to get the message across.
7. Sexting On Your Lunch Break
The first interaction you have with your partner isn’t likely to lead to sex, but you can prime the pump by sending flirty messages throughout the day. Try detailing what you’d like to do to them when they get home (anything from a kiss to a massage or BDSM scene will be enough to get their mind focused on getting physical).
If dirty talk isn’t your thing, you can still get the message across and tell them that you’re in the mood. Let your partner know what sex position you like to try tonight by sending them a meme or a link to an Internet article. Another wordless option is to send a suggestive photo.
8. Get Caught Masturbating
When your partner starts closing up the house and getting ready for bed, or while they’re taking a shower, set yourself up in the middle of a bed with your favorite vibrator. The walk into a private show of you embracing your feminine energy and won’t be able to resist lending a hand (or any other body part you ask for).
9. Use a Code Word
Using a code word to initiate sex is especially useful if you have small children around all the time. Parenting is very persistent, and it’s crucial to come up with creative ways to maintain an intimate connection with each other. Some couples choose a word that describes a chore, but when they say it to each other, they know exactly what it means. One couple I know uses the phrase “folding laundry” to initiate sex with each other since it’s safe to use around kids and any visiting family members.
Get Help Embracing Your Desires
The first step to initiating sex with your partner is identifying your sexual desires and embracing them instead of fearing them. This could be a daunting task for many women, and if you struggle, it’s not your fault.
Wanting to initiate sex and not knowing how because of the fear of rejection or judgment results from societal messaging around female sexuality. Working with a sex coach can help you unlearn the damaging and limiting Wanting to initiate sex and not knowing how because of the fear of rejection or judgment resulting from societal messaging around female sexuality. Working with a sex coach can help you unlearn the damaging and limiting beliefs so you can have the sex life of your dreams.
If you’re ready to discover your sexual desires, I invite you to download my FREE Goddess Mindset Journal to help you reflect on your sex life, set goals, and start to give in to the pleasure that is your birthright.
If you’re committed to creating the sex life of your dreams, it’s time to schedule your FREE Discovery Call so we can determine which of my programs best meets your needs.
Previously Posted on www.SoribelMartinez.com
