Narcissistic Abuse and the Law of Attraction
The more popular the Law of Attraction (‘LOA’) becomes, the more issues I seem to have with it. Not because it is all out wrong, but because it’s been packaged in a neat marketing box with a ribbon on and sold to people incomplete.
Having been through the narcissistic abuse nightmare, added even more perspective to the reason why the LOA never sat quite well with me.
Below are the reasons why I think LOA can be dangerous, unless properly researched and complemented with three ‘keys’ — listed below — that have been left out.
Have they been left out on purpose? Perhaps. For more on what I think about that, see my comprehensive video New Age Brainwashing & the Rise of Global Narcissism.
Okay, let’s get to it.
Positive Side of the Law
What is LOA? The basic premise is what you focus on grows. Therefore, it’s best to think and focus on the positive things in life, be grateful, etc. and ignore the negative. Sounds innocent enough, right?
The way in which LOA has been introduced in spiritual and new age circles was to make it appeal to the human desire to feel better and have more. Meaning, use it to find instant happiness and riches. Meaning, if you only meditate enough and think and feel as if you already have what you’re after, it will be only a matter of time before you ‘attract’ it.
Masses of people disenchanted with life’s struggles and a reality that’s in stark contrast to what Hollywood’s been selling, jumped on the bandwagon. But since the law is incomplete, most left the ride even more disenchanted and bitter than they were getting on.
Negative Side of the Law
It basically conveys that if you are ill, unhappy and broke, then you must have created it. On a spiritual and emotional level, it is a form of victim shaming.
There is an even more insidious side of this ideology that will assign responsibility to a child born with leukemia or in a war torn country. Excuse me, but how does a person who can barely think for themselves create a cancer? Oh wait, I forgot about past life karma!
I don’t think there’s been a time in recorded history when the concept of karma has been abused more. Sounds to me like a diversion tactic and a convenient way not to deal with the list of fallacies that are being peddled with this isolationistic ideology.
Isolationistic? Think about it, if our earthly experience is the result of our thinking and feeling only, we must either dwell in separate reality bubbles or be the only consciousness that exists, a dangerous ideology (not philosophy!) called solipsism.
Why not philosophy? Because philosophy literally means the ‘love of wisdom,’ a process of lifelong learning and truth seeking . Solipsism is a be-all, end-all form of thinking that shuts down the process of investigating truth. As a god, you know it all already, so why bother learning? It is more pathological than philosophical.
Instead of uniting us, the ‘law’ makes us feel more isolated. That’s despite the other belief system that’s being peddled alongside of this one — that we are all one. How can we be All One and exist in our own reality bubbles at the same time? Sounds like cognitive dissonance to me. Something is skewed or being left out.
Three Missing Keys to Activate the Law of Attraction
Key One — Acknowledge Aggregate Reality.
Just like the narcissists hate their humanity and work overtime to prove to themselves and others that they belong to a godly race, most LOA peddlers deliberately (or not) leave out the unsexy fact that while we are individuals, we also live and co-create an aggregate reality, over which we have very little control.
Lack of control equals death to the narcissist, malignant borderline, sociopath or psychopath. Why? Because their mind is chaotic. Chaos within seeks control without. A calm mind abhors control, as it’s too preoccupied with creative expression and sharing.
Ignoring the collective, aggregate, objective reality, which these days is not particularly pretty, makes people withdraw from participation. It breeds isolation. The object of an isolated person’s desire becomes all about me, me, me. It is the antithesis of love and connection. It is narcissistic.
Key Two — Take Action.
Pouring your blood, sweat and tears into creating whatever it is you want to have in life is another unsexy concept left out by most new age gurus. It takes the glamour out of the ideology. It snaps us out of the trance that we can materialize the house, the car, the perfect wife or husband with our thinking alone.
And yet action remains a crucial key of the manifestation equation. Without taking action, you get zilch. Sitting on the couch and thinking about what you want while reciting mantras is mental masturbation. Sure, it can get your heart rate up, clarify your vision and even inject dopamine into your bloodstream. All are good to get you motivated. But that state will fade, unless bolstered with action.
Yes, it is great to be able to shift your thinking from dwelling amongst the shadows born of negative memories, perceptions, CPTSD or flashbacks. It is also great to experience gratitude. Doing that can absolutely shift your ‘vibration.’
But not for very long . . .
Key Three — Don’t Ignore the Negative.
If life is not going the way you want it to go, there must be something wrong with you. Such thinking is the result of internalized abuse. To ignore it and pretend all is well in order to keep with the LOA trend, is extremely damaging to the psyche. In plain terms, it is denial.
Unless we connect with our pain, we will not be able to connect with our joy.
People who are recovering from narcissistic abuse need to take a journey back in time to investigate the internal mechanisms that made them put up with abuse in the first place. This is a difficult journey to take, replete with pain, grief, sadness and anger. To heal the core wounds, they first need to be felt and processed.
Time doesn’t heal. It conceals.
— Niki Gratrix
Narcissistic abuse is crazy-making. Ignoring the negative or pretending it didn’t happen creates suppression. Suppression can lead to depression. Therefore, it is much more productive to gently explore the old feelings and memories, ideally with the help of a therapist or coach familiar with abuse, to make sense of what happened.
When in the hands of the narcissist, the law of attraction can do much damage. They will use it as a tool to guilt trip the victim, shift the blame for what happened, and offload the responsibility onto their target.
By instead processing and befriending our feelings — the language of the soul — we not only get more emotionally literate but we will reconnect with our intuition, our inner GPS, that will empower us to make better choices and decisions.
Anticipating problems and figuring out how to solve them is actually the opposite of worrying: it’s productive.
— Chris Hadfield, An Astronaut’s Guide to Life on Earth
Examining the negative and working toward solutions is underrated in the new age circles. What’s promoted instead is insta-positivity, an attitude akin to fast food. The promise is that with the flick of a switch, and the right kind of thinking, anything can be manifested.
And if you fail to do so, well . . . there just must be something wrong with you.
For solutions on how to get unstuck from this ideology, check out the companion video to this post below.
If you are suffering from the post-breakup shock of realizing that you’ve been subjected to narcissistic abuse, please look into my FREE three-step SOS program currently available on my website.