How to work with your spouse without killing each other.

We are now interrupting today’s scheduled programming for an important message:

Generally, we speak at length about web design, graphic design, and marketing. We have some entrepreneurial advice sprinkled in based on our experience and what works for us, but we often keep things technical and actionable.

I’ve decided to mix it up this week.

We’re talking about something a lot of our friends and peers find curious/interesting/confusing: How on earth do you two work together? In a HOME OFFICE? Are you CRAZY?

When we decided to fulfill a long-time dream and move to the mountains, we knew we’d have to be creative around income and expenses. Nicole already had Soul Graphics up and running and I was working in finance. I had done a lot of marketing, SEO, and writing work for my firm, so luckily, our skill sets complimented each other really well. Nicole was able to lead the design element and I was able to fill out the firm needs with copy writing and marketing. Viola! Value-add for our clients and the ability to scale, grow and work independently from our dream location.

We had worked together in the past and it went really smoothly. Both personally and professionally, we have great balance. What we didn’t really anticipate and/or evaluate was the change in environment in our new working relationship. Now that we run our business from a home office in a small, mountain town, we essentially spend twenty-four hours a day together.

Even typing this makes me smile.

I think about most of our happily married friends and the balance they find in their lives. 100% of them are not in the same 1000 square feet in a remote location… twenty-four hours a day. So, did we totally lose our minds? I’m sure a lot of people have thought just that!

No, thankfully: we are sane, happy, healthy, and living our dreams. And what’s great about all of those factors are: they can both exist and be a challenge. But what we’ve found is that it’s highly worth it.

I thought I’d answer a few of the most frequently asked questions by our friends, curious about our lifestyle:

Do you not drive each other absolutely crazy?

I’d say about 90% of the time we don’t drive each other crazy. We’re luckily very compatible and have always had a pretty easy time getting along and spending a lot of time together. The first year of our relationship was long-distance, and I remember crying in the airport parking lot, listening to “One-more day” and just sobbing thinking about being apart. That first year really solidified our gratitude of shared time. We don’t take it for granted because that heart-pain isn’t so far in the rear-view mirror to forget what being apart really feels like. Nicole is the most brilliant, interesting and passionate person I know — that’s why I married her! And with her thirst for life (she’s a Gemini ;)), there’s never a boring moment. I feel lucky to spend 24/7 with her.

If you’ve started vomiting by now, I’m not saying it’s always perfect. We have our struggles and challenges like any couple. However, we’re both committed and we live in constant communication. Here’s how we make it work: we have a work team meeting every Monday morning and a relationship team meeting every Sunday. To make any long-term relationship work you have to be constantly checking in; we’ve learned that structural time to work on both our business and professional life is what keeps us in check. When we miss one of either, it shows and we get short with each-other, thus we try our best to not miss any of our check-ins.

How do you turn it off?

It’s easy to understand how people, especially entrepreneurs or the self-employed, could become workaholics. Work is essentially never done and you’re always looking for that next business opportunity. This can be especially true for those who blend their home and office environments and their personal and professional life. We can both get a little intense when it comes to work: Nicole gets very in-the-design zone and I internalize feedback and money issues non-stop (I’m trying to work on both of these). We have made a huge effort to not be those people sitting on our phones on the couch at night or working on a laptop in bed. We both work really efficiently/fast, which ultimately can often lead to burnout, so we decided to set our business hours from 9–4. Some businesses wouldn’t do this, but it works for us and keeps our work-life balance in a healthy place. We moved to the mountains and started our own business for a certain, healthy lifestyle. This means instituting structure so we don’t become our own worst enemies with our time. Another structure we put into place: each morning we have a hot breakfast (one of my life pleasures), time with our dogs and each night we wind down together with a nice dinner. Making our “in-office” hours a little shorter has helped us keep our time efficient and our priorities straight.

Do you ever regret it?

Many people would think it’s risky to work together. Both personally and professionally. If something goes wrong, you don’t have as many options to make up for lost time or income. Yes, all of this is true. But do I regret it? Not for a minute. We’ve worked almost ten years to reach our goals of mountain living and self-employment, and I’m not going to waste any time not appreciating the precious moments that comes with it. I also think it helps that Nicole and I have had some really, really bad jobs in the past. I’ve cleaned ungodly things in sketchy bathrooms and walked door to door with politicians; she’s washed cars in 100 degree weather, with 100% humidity in a suit and made endless sales calls and constant negotiations. Basically, we know when it’s bad and we know we it’s good. I am beyond thankful for this. All the small things or risks that arise are part of a bigger, beautiful life we’ve created. There’s no regret in that.

So, long-story short, working together isn’t always easy. Hell — life, marriage, growing older, living in a wild-fire-centric area isn’t easy, but it is so, so worth it. If you can figure out how to communicate, delegate, stay positive and provide structure within your business and relationship, it’s a beautiful life.

On the eve of my one year with Soul Graphics, we’ve (thankfully) grown, both in revenue and in relationship. We can look back and see areas for improvement and areas where we’ve freaking kicked butt. Yes, it’s not for everyone, but it is for us.