“My life” -A journey to a giant fuckup

I am an average guy from a small town of India, age 24 (going to 25 in a few months) and life has been pretty much of a disastrous for me. So before I delve into the details of my fucked up life, let me begin it with my nick “Morphine”. As unsual as it sounds, this was the nick that stuck with me pretty much from the days of counter strike, during my higher secondary class. While my friends were preparing for top engineering colleges, I was wasting my time playing games, and thinking I would somehow crack into one of them and my life will be settled. I was building castles in the air. In my first attempt I failed and this, started the journey of continuous fuck ups in my life. I was a social butterfly, an extrovert, meeting people, talking with people, flirting with girls, I have done everything. That one failure in my life changed everything. I realised I have fucked up life and started working on it after that 1st failure. For a few months I have locked myself in a room, studying, no contact with my friends, and everything was going well, untill my bad habits have again caught up with me. Result — again failed for the second time to get into a good engineering colleges. During this time, I found out my dad got blood cancer, so life pretty much changed for us. He was the only earning member of our family. I joined a tier-3 grade engineering college, somehow just managing to pass my exams, and in the 3rd year my dad passed away. It took sometime for me to cope up with this, but I handled it well. Me and my mom moved to a different city and settled there. Coming to my last year, I didn’t applied for any jobs, thought I would give GATE (exam to get into premier engg. colleges) and will pursue my dream of getting into top engineering colleges, my ego got the better of me. The year is 2015 — appeared for the first time and failed. Depression started coming to me, which i never realised, at this point i had no friends to share my problems, no place to hangout, I decided to appear for the second time. 2016- failed again, and at this point i couldn’t just think anymore, 2017- I failed for the 3rd time yet again. At this point I am frustrated, depressed, and every negative words that you can imagine. I am a loser. I got rejected by many girls, my long time girlfriend broke up with me and my mom have no hopes left in me anymore. Nothing is going right, and I seem to have fallen into the depth of eternal darkness. I am writing this so as to make my frustration vent out, and after reading quite a few articles, i decided to get a hold of my life. From today I will be logging my journey of next 2 years. I have decided to write a post at the end of the day, everyday, and I hope that everything ends well.