Two Guys, A Globalist, and a Pizza Place

[Interior, Pizza Buffet in Central Texas]

A sweaty stranger approaches the register casually, obviously wearing a bad wig and looking nervous.

Stranger: I need to speak to your manager, [the stranger leans forward and winks over his pink sunglasses] I want some special “toppings” on my “pizza” if you get my meaning.

Cashier: We don’t sell children here. Alright? I know that is you Jesse, take off the disguise.

Jesse Ventura removes pink sunglasses, wig, top hat and tails, and pink feather boa

Jesse: Wait a second, Jesse grabs cashier and pulls off prosthetic face. John Podesta?!

John Podesta wriggles out of Jesse Ventura’s sleeper-hold and runs as a man disguised as a baby darts from the back of the restaurant. John Podesta gets tackled by this weird large baby.

John Podesta: Who are you? Where the hell did you come from?

Adult baby stands up, pulling off bonnet, bib, and diaper. Alex Jones flexes and screams, growling as he somehow grows clothes over his nude frame.

Alex Jones: That’s right Globalist!

John Podesta: How did you do that?

Alex Jones: My T levels are so high that the Morgellons is affected by my mind. I can form clothes out of the fibers.

Jesse Ventura: I want answers, I was a governor and a Navy Seal. I’m fed up with all the lies.

Alex Jones: Tell us where the kids are. I was hiding in the pantry in my baby disguise for hours.

John Podesta: You really didn’t need to. There aren’t any. Podesta’s pupils narrow into vertical slits

Jesse Ventura: Alex, look out!

John Podesta swipes at Alex Jones with a reptilian talon

Alex Jones: I don’t think so! What are your plans? Are you in the vanguard of the off-world groups communicating with the US government?

Jesse Ventura: What are they hiding? You think I haven’t dealt with people like you before, Podesta? I dealt with something called a legislature. You reptilians think you can come here, harvest people, abuse them? Well, we are going to settle this right now. Alex, drag him into the ball pit.

Alex Jones: Jesse, not yet.

A spectral laughter disorients Alex and Jesse, a disembodied voice speaks to their minds, John Podesta disappears into thin air

The Voice: I’m just CHILLING IN DULCE, New Mexico! Laughter, then coughing, then a loud thud

Alex Jones: Looks like we need to go to New Mexico

Jesse Ventura: I’m still going to play in the ball pit before we leave.