It was going to be one of those days. You know, the days when from the moment you wake up you know that bipolar is going to color your world gray and make your body move in a zombie-like fashion.
I do not love those days.
Sleep was elusive the night before, and my body throbbed with each beat of my heart. My brain retired to its darkest place, and the voices inside sang a chorus of my worthlessness.
Like most of you, work is not an option. If I want to eat and have a roof over my head…
“Something second-hand and broken…”
Have you ever felt like those words describe you? Does it sometimes feel like you’re broken parts have become your entire identity?
If you’re living with chronic and/or mental illness, it’s easy to become fixated on the parts of you that don’t work correctly. You often feel broken. Yet, you are much more than that. The truth of that is wonderfully demonstrated in a song from a TV show. I share the song today because it’s one that reminds me that being broken isn’t the end.
was an underappreciated TV show that aired for two-seasons. Revolving…
NOTE: Hear me read this poem in the video version below.
There are tough days when you know you just can’t
The world’s tipped at an impossible slant
Your energy flees in a nasty rant
You wither and droop just like a house plant
There are days it’s unthinkable to go
There’s no strength to put on another show
You succumb to the sad troubles you know
The light at the end loses its white glow
There are days when it is all much too hard Trying to win you don’t have the right card The scenery reflects all landscapes…
Things were going well. I was getting a newsletter out almost every week. I was posting new content regularly. Social media posts were being generated every day. Everything seemed to be okay.
Then it all stopped.
I can’t say exactly what happened. Suddenly one day I wasn’t able to do it anymore.
About this time I read an article about simplifying your life. I wish I had saved a link so I could share it with you now. It was an excellent article.
The post talked about how even good things can become causes of anxiety. While exercising is a…
I was prepared to write a post about how I decided to turn out the lights for Speaking Bipolar. It was a fun ride, but I thought it was time to put an end to it. I wrote four different stories to tell you why I was going to shut down the site.
I never published them.
Last year was especially hard for all of us. …
This post contains material on the subjects of suicide, suicidal ideation and self-harm. If any of these subjects may be a trigger for you, please close this page. The purpose is to bring attention to Suicide Prevention Awareness Month.
Suicide is a subject that invokes a lot of emotions in me. Living with mental illness, I have dealt with suicidal ideation for as long as I can remember. Sadly, I’ve also lost more than a dozen friends to this dark evil.
Voices swirling in my head
The constant drone goes on
Filling me with fear and dread
Wishing to just be gone
Speaking lies in horrid tones
Stating I’m never good
Adding weight to crush my bones
Sure I’m misunderstood
Chiding me to harm myself
Telling me pain means love
Putting truth up on the shelf
Doubting what’s up above
Voices scream and torment me
Night and day echoes blare
I crave my mind be set free
To never have to share
No pills make these voices cease
My comrades stay with me
Their message won’t steal my peace
To be a writer, you have to be a little off. Maybe it’s why so many writers also have a mental illness. Or perhaps, having bipolar disorder may inspire you to become a writer.
I can’t be certain on this one.
What I can tell you is what it’s like to be a writer with bipolar disorder.
Just like everything else in life, bipolar makes the world of writing an adventurous place. Typically, I’m in one of three phases. What follows summarizes the unique struggles of being a writer with bipolar disorder.
Bipolar disorder is best known by its two…
You spew words
Brandishing them like shiny swords
You start fights
Enraging — your sarcasm bites
You wink eyes
Charming crowds with your Cheshire cries
You put down
Demeaning all who doubt your crown
You hide crimes
Hiding facts with deceptive rhymes
You speak lies
Deceiving in a svelte disguise
You shine light
Starring onstage — it’s yours each night
You eat souls
Leaving your prey in half-dug holes
You scheme plans
Caring just for what fills your hands
Have you had your frog this morning? No, I haven’t completely lost my mind. Hang with me for a moment.
Asking if you’ve had a frog probably sounds a little insane, unless you are someone who likes to have frogs for breakfast.
Hey, it’s possible. Maybe.
Let’s try another question.
Are you buried in to-dos today? It’s the weekend, but for many of us, the weekend seldom equates to rest. There’s often just as much, if not more, to do on the weekends.
When you’re coping with illness, those to-do lists feel endless. Try as you may, you never seem…