The Incredible Excess of Kimye

According to a recent profile in Harper’s Bazaar, Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are totally unbearable. Of course, the profile doesn’t say this in so many words, but the sentiment is very much implied from the get-go.

For a few rambling down-scrolls, America’s most insufferable power couple mused on everything from themselves, to themselves, to themselves (even touching on themselves). Not since the days of Louis and Marie have two people possessed such an ungodly comfort promoting their own fabulosity; Kimye, the two-headed, one-minded monster, seems to have made up an entire philosophy and worldview based solely on the Randian premise that they are special, worthy, and deserving of everything, rational critics and little people be damned.

Really guys, is it too much to ask for celebrities with a little bit of humility? They are out there you know. Look at Leo Dicaprio, dedicating his Oscar speech to the topic of environmentalism. What could have been a purely selfish moment, he turned into humbled and enlightening poetry. Could you imagine what Kimye would have said had they been granted that shellaced stage and a foredoomed curfew of 45 seconds? Probably something about haters and how the fashion industry refuses to take them (rank, untalented amateurs, lest we forget) seriously. Followed by a selfie.

When I was a younger man, my father never let me keep any trophies. When I won MVP on my Little League baseball team, he took the little plastic statuette I’d been given and made me watch as he buried it deep into the Earth, where lay my brother. Hard as this was to experience, it did teach me a valuable lesson: humility is tantamount.

So please people, skip this rambling profile and go do something productive with your life instead. The world needs less vanity, and more sanity.