I Wanna Uplift You Like A Push-Up Bra

Does the American Presidential Election have you feeling down?

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I also wanna be there to support you. To make you look and feel better.

Like a push-up bra.

But unlike push-up bras, I have no proven track record. My credibility hangs low, comparable to that of support for both American Presidential Candidates. I’m starting from scratch and I must prove my worth, show the world my value.

Since the world is still abuzz from Donald Thump’s, I mean Trump’s, latest misogynistic and bigoted tirades, I thought I’d play off of some of the emotions he undoubtedly stirred and take advantage of the additional spotlights placed on women, their anatomy, and this shit-show of an election my American neighbors must endure.

My mission is to enlighten the world. I plan to do so by giving you insight, trying to humor you (isn’t that blatantly obvious?), and perhaps by uplifting your spirits, you’ll realize the potential that lies within you.

Not too long ago I was my own push-up bra. Well actually, a Tony Robbins book, a Lewis Howes podcast, and an accumulation of life experiences kept me from sagging to hell and gradually improved my bosom. But other than that, it was all me.

Now, I want to offer an olive branch to anyone willing to accept it. I’ve been at rock bottom. I know how shitty things may seem. But I assure you, we can get through anything,

As I make my ascent to the top, I wanna bring anyone that wants to come along. After all, what good is a leader if they use people as stepping stones rather than uplifting them?

I wanna make you feel and look so good that when people see you, they’ll be like

Damn, what a nice bosom.