My Positivity Is Keeping My Suicidal Thoughts at Bay

Last week I wrote about landing a job after declaring how I envisioned myself to be Gandhi-like during the interviewing process.

Well, I shouldn’t have opened my damn mouth so soon.

Because today, my ass got canned.

And this latest job loss has got me sunken like the Titanic.

To be honest, I’m satisfied that I gave my best effort and was ready and willing to do everything I could to make this a role I could thrive in. Problem is, there was miscommunication between the superiors and me — which ultimately led to my demise and to which I also take full responsibility for.

Even though I know I gave this opportunity a fighting chance, I’m still very choked about everything.

Over the course of my lifetime, I’ve never been a good employee. I’ve worked for 30+ different employers (none of which have been for longer than a measly year) and those who know me know that I have a horrible reputation when it comes to work.

For the past two years — after my spiritual awakening — I’ve been trying to reinvent myself. I’ve been going all-in on my endeavors and leaving nothing to chance.

I’ve committed myself to becoming the best version of myself (which includes working and earning a legit living).

Unfortunately, my efforts have not translated to success in the employment aspect of my life.

Which hurts like hell and triggers my depression.

Everyone who knew about my latest gig was so proud of me. It appeared as though everything was finally moving in the right direction. I was happy, my loved ones were happy, and everything seemed to be on the up-and-up.

Then today happens.

I won’t waste my energy and go into detail about what happened because quite frankly, it doesn’t matter.

Instead, I’ll tell you that I feel like shit, like a complete disappointment and like a failure that will never be able to exorcise my demons. Hell, even my suicidal thoughts have re-emerged.

Life for me, right this moment, ain’t that great.

I’m sad, angry, disappointed and pretty much all of the above.

But you know what?

Fuck it!

Even though I am sure to disappoint my loved ones, I’m still grateful for everything I have. I’m grateful for the opportunity to make tomorrow better than today. I’m grateful for this bulletproof mindset I’ve been able to develop.

And because of my impenetrable mind, I am happy.

And because I am truly happy, I can keep my negative, suicidal thoughts at bay.

I am the boss of me! I cannot and will not allow these dark and sinister forces to dictate and take over my life — not again. I know I’ll be able to shake this off…eventually.

I’ll come back stronger than ever.

I’ll bite the bullet, learn from my mistakes and move forward like it’s nobody’s business.

I will only allow happiness and positivity to take charge.

I have fostered my happiness and positive energy for a reason, and today’s events will test their strength.

Even though the events that transpired today are a huge step backwards and have shaken me to the core, you can bet your ass that this won’t be the end of me.

I now have the power of positivity and experience of my side.

So unlike the Titanic, I will rise after this incident!