Coming out of the shadows
Ancient culture of Native America believes that we are all one spirit made of male and female energy. Now is the time for all men to recognise that they are yin and yang, male and female energy and in bringing these two energies into balance we become our true selves.
Last Sunday I decided to have some fun, away from family and visited the Mind Body Spirit Festival at Kensington Olympia in London.
Truth to tell, I had gone with specific purpose in mind, to attend a workshop taught by renowned spiritual teacher and psychic Sonia Choquette. It was an exhilarating and insightful session in which I was reminded of the inherent gifts we all have within ourselves if we choose to use them, the ability to listen, really listen to what our heart says, not our mind and use our imagination and intuit what we want in life and more importantly, how to achieve if we try.
Whilst I was there I heard a young lady, Claire, speak of her heartfelt desire. The idea of this exercise was to simply talk as though what you wanted to do was already happening, you were already doing it. In performing this exercise you could sense how the energy around the person changed. With intent and purpose her pathway became clear and she was able to articulate a heartfelt dream.
This lady shared with a roomful of strangers her ambition to create a safe haven for women who have experienced trauma in trying to have a baby. The story she related connected to her own pain which was keenly felt by many in the room and triggered thoughts of my own experience when my wife battled to carry a baby to full term after 3 miscarriages.
After the workshop I talked to Claire about her new clinic and suggested she may like to widen her services to provide a safe haven for men too who have shared the pain and trauma of miscarriages and IVF. She agreed that she had become more aware during the course of her research about how badly affected men could also be by the fallout from such trauma.
Today, men in these traumatic situations are often ignored and the perception remains men should be strong, grin and bear the hurt inside as best they can like they have done since the Stone Age.
But what happens to the man who must lock away hurt, pain, sorrow and fear? Where does that overwhelming sense of grief go and what does it turn into?
I firmly believe that when we are unable to express how we feel or release the pain locked inside, we create a sense of dis-ease in ourselves and that dis-ease manifests itself into a physical entity like a tumour, cancer or cyst. When we cannot express our pain, sorrow or hurt we become less than ourselves.
In these moments our body tries to tell us that something needs to be released.
Stoicism and courage to bear loss is admirable but at some point unrelenting hurt that is not released becomes a block to our own growth and development.
We become trapped in time. Imprisoned by our pain and sorrow.
Life teaches us through experience that Man is all one, no male and female, HE, for we are comprised of both.
Now is the time for men to connect with the female side of themselves, to acknowledge the hurt and the pain and become at one with themselves.
In the spring of 1972 I lost my father. He was 28 when he died. I never knew neither my father or indeed my Grandfather who was killed at 42 in a head on collision. Years later I discovered that the car my grandfather was driving carried two schoolboys, my uncle in the front passenger seat and my father in the rear passenger driver seat, he was 14 years old. In those days they didn’t have counselling, not like today, you were expected to get on with things. After all that’s what people had done during the war, got on with it and survived somehow.
I cannot imagine what it would be like for a son or daughter to witness the death of their own father, perhaps you can, let alone any child to witness such horror. To me it is not surprising that my father found life all too much and in the end could no longer cope with trying to be strong for his family.
As I regularly travel for work in London I often hear over the station tannoy of a person falling under a train. I think of how alone that person must be feel that the only way, is to jump. In those moments I think of my father and wonder why he felt so hurt and alone that he could find no other way to be at peace with himself.
I often think that if he had just been given a chance. A chance to express his feelings and share his grief he would still be alive today and we would be swopping different stories and sharing our fears, joys and hopes together.
I have always treasured my father’s zest for life but that is why I also understand that to thrive and not just survive, we all need to share our story too.
The biggest killer of men under 45 is suicide. It is time for men to open up and allow themselves to heal!
Greenmantle Coaching is a healing practice for men who have experienced trauma that is causing blockages in their career and preventing their business from taking flight.