I can only say from the other side as a former mortgage lender: there is absolutely NO JUDGEMENT from your lender/originator about your numbers. If there is? Kick them to the curb, there are a million others out there. It’s a specialized skill, but not a unique one.
As far as stress goes, I manage the way I manage everything else: the headspace app, talking it out with my partner/therapist/other/my journal, and making a plan. For me money things aren’t the focus of my life: often I’ll buy the damn shoes. That being said, I rely on being very frugal as my default, so if the shoes are worth it, they’re worth it.