Why I’m glad everything in my life has changed.

The reason I want to be a comedian

Today I caught up with an old friend from Primary School, we used to be in a band together (kind of), and I’m so glad I don’t hang out with him anymore. Because he hasn’t changed one bit, and if we were hanging out together, then I wouldn’t have changed either.

Don’t get me wrong, he’s a nice bloke, but I wasn’t. I was a terrible little shit. I used to be that kid who would disrupt classes, yell and scream when I didn’t get my own way, even hit people and threaten to throw shit at teachers. And I was the creepy kid too. And those are an especially bad combination.

The worst thing I ever did at school (that I remember) was that once when I was in Year 4, out of nowhere, I stabbed a girl with a pen. We were doing silent reading and I just plunged it into her back. For a ridiculous reason, too. I liked her, but she had a boyfriend, I’m not even sure he was her boyfriend, they just hung out a bit. I’m so glad I’m not that person anymore.

Back then I also used to desperately want to be a rockstar, like I really did. I had a band, I was learning to play Guitar and to sing, and I even have a permanent injury from the time I broke my foot practicing stage moves. (I only had my cast on for half the time I was meant to)

But unfortunately there were a few factors in the downfall of my band The Strikes/Mercury/SKJ/Search For Neptune. (We were 6 when we formed and 12 when we split, thats why our names sounded so crap. Also we went through about 12 to 15 line up changes, but I’ll get to that in a bit.) So let’s discuss them at length.

One of the reasons was that we used a CD backing track and, up until I owned a real guitar and we found a bass in the school library, we used Guitar Hero instruments. Which made our audience (fellow classmates and a teacher who I managed to steal lesson time from.) believe that we were joking, which made me angry and leads to point two; I was taking it all too seriously

I was spending my recess and lunch times thinking about our next “gig” (which was usually Friday after lunch.) and thinking about what I would do during it, whereas the other members of the band used to go out and have fun and then come in and play the gig with me. Luckily in the last year, we managed to get 1 half hour rehearsal during lunchtime the day before the gig. But even then I was too overly controlling. One day two of the guys forgot about rehearsal and went out to play cricket, but when I reminded them they put their bats back and I still yelled at them for 5 minutes. But, that was me, if something didn’t go my way, I blamed everyone else. And that was why I couldn’t keep the band together.

As I’ve mentioned we went through about 12 to 15 lineup changes. 12 to 15 times where somebody said that they didn’t want to do it anymore because I was such a twat. And eventually I finally settled on a lineup which I thought would work, as it had people who were at least slightly passionate and had an idea on how to deal with me (I have Asperger’s Syndrome, so did some of my bandmates' siblings. Story for another time), and then my whole thing collapsed and I turned worse than ever. I told the girl who I’d stabbed (this was two years after) that I was in love with her. She didn’t feel the same way. Instead of going about it nicely, I threatened to hurt her. As my bandmates were friends with her, they told me that I was being a Dick and that I should have stopped and left her alone. Me being the person I was, I decided I wouldn’t do that and instead decided to break up the band for good.

I spent a third of the next year trying to form a new band, not realising that I was losing more and more of my friends.

Eventually it got to a point where nobody would talk to me and I realised that if I wanted to be famous and send a message to people , I would have to either undergo major personality changes or work on my own. And by choosing the latter, I managed the former.

I spent the rest of the year figuring out what to do. Kevin Rudd was Prime Minister, so I thought I would join the Labor party and become a politician, but then a few months later Tony Abbott was elected Prime Minister. So that was out.

Then I thought I could become a poet or writer. But, even though I still enjoy it, I couldn’t see myself becoming successful with it.

Then I watched the DVD version Denis Leary’s standup show ’No Cure For Cancer' with my Dad, and I look at it and thought “he makes it look easy, almost as if he creates funny out of nowhere. I wonder if I could do that.”

And I’ve been hooked on comedy ever since.

Like what you read? Give Scott Burton a round of applause.

From a quick cheer to a standing ovation, clap to show how much you enjoyed this story.