Girls’ Camp: Where Southern Ladies Catch Cabin Fever

Y’all!

I can’t tell you how stressful it has been getting’ little Huckleberry ready for summer camp! Makin’ sure that the maid embroiders “Stank” into the back of all his clothes. Buyin’ the proper artisanal bug sprays and sunscreens!

I’m gonna miss the little junebug but I’ll be glad to get some peace and quiet for the next six weeks!

Summer camp is a big Southern tradition. People in other regions of the country don’t know what a real summer camp is, where Jesus, horses, rifles and potholders come together to shape and mold young lives and morals!

Alabama’s most prestigious summer camp is Camp Skyline. Gov. Kay Ivey is an alumna! They don’t let just anybody’s kids in. It’s almost harder than the Country Club except they offer a few scholarships for black girls so the Yankees don’t try to shut the place down.

Of course, Camp Skyline is for girls of character only. June Turnipseed’s granddaughter got turned away for a questionable rep and she was only seven!

At Camp Skyline Southern girls of character get their first chance to be free and independent from their parents, in a safe, same-sex environment. But don’t worry, Jesus and the counselors can keep a watchful eye out for any girl-on-girl experimentation or scissor fighting!

Camp Skyline’s Christian (Not Catholics) counselors will teach girls valuable skills such as archery, how to insert a tampon, gymnastics, fat shaming 104, pit shaving, and ladylike farting.

And these close female bonds they make at camp will last forever, or at least until one of the girls gets fat or black-balled by Kappa Kappa Gamma.

While many Southern girls peak in high school or college, others peak at summer camp. This Southern Belle, for example, decided to have her wedding at Camp Skyline because it was the time in her life she felt when she the most fulfilled!

I’m actually kinda pissed that my little Huckleberry is a boy. The boys’ camps just doesn’t offer the same opportunities for social climbin’.

I want some Camp Skyline swag to show off, like a bumper sticker or a coffee mug.

A girl would have been so much more fun!

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