Conquer anxiety, step by step.

Christiana Star
Aug 9, 2017 · 4 min read

Exposed to danger, humans respond with either fight, flight or freeze reactions. But since in urban life we don’t have tigers roaming the streets, why is anxiety so widespread? Blame our brains.

The fear response is triggered when facing real danger. But anticipated or imagined danger creates the same reactions as the real situation. In modern life we have created new dangers that mostly reside in our heads. These ‘dangers’ are not getting it all done, not performing our best, being seen as inefficient, being told off, failing at something — the list is endless. The more we fear our own ‘imperfection’, the greater the anxiety — with a good chance of becoming chronic.

Stress or anxiety?

Stress is the result of overload and overwhelm. It is also a form of chronic anxiety. It means you live on overdrive, habitually imagine worst case scenarios, are hyper-vigilant of ‘failure’ and avoid things you should or would like to do. It clouds your life choices by a desire for ‘safety’ and makes you prone to manipulation by intensifying your fears. And of course, it damages your body.

What’s feeding your anxiety?

Unless there is a physiological predisposition, expectations and beliefs create and intensify anxiety.

  • About the world there may be beliefs like: It is dangerous; threatening forces will get to us sooner or later; things can only go wrong; it’s only a question of time before it all falls apart; it didn’t work before why would it work now?
  • About other people: They will think badly of me. They will judge me. I need to please in order to fit in.
  • Then there are the beliefs about yourself — even if you are not aware of them: I don’t have what it takes; I always stuff up; I’m hopeless; I’m powerless and helpless; I can’t trust my ability to cope. Add to such beliefs substantial needs for protection, reassurance and guidance, you have a very potent combination keeping you trapped in fear.

Step into your power

There is really only one way to overcome fear: To feel it and do things anyway, even if all you want is not go there or run away. But if you are really afraid of something, let your bravery develop gradually. Decide on small steps in the direction of the feared situation and steadily increase the difficulty.

Take for example, the fear of spiders. Your first step could be to look at them in a book. When you are okay with that, visit the zoo with a supportive person and look at the spider display. Gradually increase your closeness to the glass. In a real encounter, when you see one in your garden, do not run inside and lock the door but remain at a safe distance and just look at it. Each step, notice your fear, don’t fight the feeling but accept it is there. Steady yourself: straighten your posture, head high, feel your feet make contact with the ground, relax your breath.

Like other emotions, fear follows a bell curve (school physics, anyone?). It rises, peaks, subsides. It is very likely that after a while you will calm down although you may feel exhausted from the effort.

Devise your own path to freedom by addressing first your ‘little’ fears, then gradually increasing the difficulty to facing your ‘big’ fears. Enlist help and support if you need it, but ultimately no one can do this work for you. Remember, you are much stronger and more resilient than fear will allow you to know.

Reflections

Don’t be defeated by fear. What can you do to overcome your own or help someone else be brave? What are your experiences with anxiety? How can you step into your power?

If you are interested in self help, read more articles and download the free ebook “10 Keys to moving forward when life has changed” at www.christianastar.com

Christiana Star

Written by

Psychologist and author of Recover, Rebuild, Thrive. A practical guide for moving on from difficult life changes. www.christianastar.com

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