Stop believing your Inner Critic!

Is your mind often tuned in to radio Triple F? Glued to the scary stories about fears, flaws and failure inside your mind? What is that doing for your motivation, get-up-and-go, your rational thinking? Going through life can be fraught with difficulties and turbulence. There will be moments of uncertainty, rattled confidence, instances of making mistakes and anxiousness. But Radio Triple F is the wrong station to listen to. It will sabotage your best efforts and prevent peaceful living.
Trapped by Triple F?

People with social anxiety are good examples how the three F can trap someone: The mere thought of crowded spaces or going into a room full of strangers and making conversation fills them with dread. They are certain of making a fool of themselves, have nothing interesting to say, drop their glass or fail in some other spectacular way. So they become quite adept at finding excuses why they can’t attend — suddenly feeling very unwell or something urgent to do just at that time.
Take stock
If you are not so severely affected, shine a light on your own Triple Fs. Where do they stem from? When did they start? How did they develop? Bullied at work? Put down and told off as a child? Was love and acceptance dependent on you doing everything ‘right’? Have you been forced by circumstance to do things you have no natural talent for? Are your relationships undermining your confidence and self-esteem?
Ask your own questions to find out what is driving your fears, fixation on flaws and anticipation of failure. When you know how you ‘tick’, you can start doing something about it.
Switch your focus

Dig deep to find your hidden beliefs about yourself and the world. Check if they are still relevant to who you are now. Check how realistic they are. Consider the difference between a catastrophe and a mishap. Spilling your wine at dinner …
Retrain your brain to focus on the positive. Start a journal. Each evening write down three things you did well that day. The person with social anxiety might write: I spoke to two strangers; I attended the meeting; I went to the mall and bought a new pair of jeans.
Also write down three positive things that happened to you that day. For example, My neighbour offered me a lift to the doctor; The cat started eating again after being sick. I got off work an hour early. This journalling strategy will help you focus on positive things in your life, no matter how small.
Instead of focusing on your fears, flaws and failures, take steps to develop a curious and appreciative attitude about yourself and your experiences.
Ignore your comfort zone

Things rarely improve by themselves. Fear does not disappear by avoiding stressful situations. You only avoid feeling it. Confidence does not magically appear from somewhere. You have to be brave and risk stuffing up. ’Perfection’ is an unrealistic and unattainable ideal.
If you are sick of living with radio Triple F, you really have no choice but to get out there and meet life head on. Only allow thoughts that help access your inner determination, courage and wisdom. If anything did not go quite right, don’t fall into old habits and castigate yourself. Learn from the experience and move on.
A final word …
What role does radio Triple F play in your life? How does it trip you up? What can you do to move on to things you really want to do?
Originally published at www.christianastar.com
