Goatie and braces

A lot happens in 10 years. If you were to sit me down with ‘me’ 10 years ago I would be quite a different person. I don’t think I could help feel sorry for him, laugh with him, congratulate him, cry with him, shake my head at him.

I have surly changed physically, the weight, the colour, the style of clothes — still lacking fashion sense but still different. The cracks around the eyes tell stories of being happy and sad, mostly happy though. The braces have gone, and the goatie is a different colour (when I have one!)

I’m being all sentimental because 10 years ago I was a graphic design student. I was going to be the next Saul Bass, Neville Broody and everyone else. Geewizz I was wrong. I went a different route. I went to Theology. I do miss theology, but now I am heading back towards graphic deisgn. I am finishing what I started and that is a degree in graphic design. The initial aim is to improve my employability a little and study further. But working with briefs, module guides, essential reading, sketchpads, mood boards has brought it all back. Even thinking of my first year in uni. Dan, Laura, Kate, Phil, Pam, Adam, Terry, Kirsty, Emma. People who were and still are awesome.

Although I have stayed in design, the true designer went and hid a while back. I moved into a shared house with my friends, my mother passed away the year before but then I was due to have an operation, some metal plates inserted into the top and lower jaw. The recovery was said to be a few months, and my lecturers decided at the time that with my grief and the recovering period would not do studies good so they advised I take the year out. So I did. I remember Dad driving me home from Wrexham with the car filled with things to take back home. I felt so bitter, angry, out of control, empty and lost. What was going to happen. Why had this circumstance taken away my hope?

In hindsight I can see it.

But now, I seem to be back at it. I am having to think about things I stopped thinking about. Figure out how to draw again, show my thinking, develop my thinking in a new way. Yes there is some anxiety there — I am working full time, studying about 20–30 hours a week, enjoying time with my wife, church and other things. But I feel that bit more alive again in doing this. I feel excited, and back in the deep end. But there is a streak of thrill that say’s don’t give up. This will be amazing.

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