Why I’m writing the poetry series “Joy & Misery”
This collection of poetry comes at a pretty difficult time in my life right now. I’ve struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts over the past two weeks because of a lot of pressure coupled with trying to step into a career or just find a job as I finish up graduate school. Relationships with people I thought valued me have fallen apart and I’ve been left to ride the storm alone for the most part. I have wanted to give up on life and have come close to walking out of church and walking away from God. The day it was announced that Chester Bennington was found dead apparently from suicide I found myself wanting to do the same thing. Part of me still feels that way. I didn’t have high hopes entering this week and it took and unlikely person being alert and doing the best they could that kept me from not being here right now talking about this and probably the grace of God. I felt and still feel virtually abandoned by some of those I cared about the most. It’s easy to say I love you but neglect the actions that follow it. So this poetry series highlights some of the things I’ve been feeling and how I’m choosing to deal with it all. The latest addition “At Parting” discusses a relationship that has to end for now but could pick up again in the future.
I’m doing a little better each day but there is still a lot of frustration and depression. The verse that’s been keeping me going is ironic:
For everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith.
1 John 5:4
It’s ironic because the unlikely person that has really helped me is also named John.
