Why Loves Dies When You Least Expect It.
Assumptions and unsaid words leaves too big a room for errors that may be irreparable.
She was tired. At her wits end. well, at least almost there. He wasn’t what she had hoped he was. Did she enter this with illusions of what he was only to be met by the reality of who he was?
He sighs deeply. Fighting the nagging feeling that he really doesn’t deserve her. Never had and probably never will. He has no idea why she chose him.
They look at each other and smile amidst animated conversation with their friends. Secretly harboring doubts that swell by the minute, threatening to break the banks and overflow. But they still hold on.
Hoping that one day life will help them set themselves straight. How do you learn to walk again when you have been asleep for so long that your feet forgot how to move? How can you dance again when your ears have forgotten the sweetness of melody. How can you love when your heart has never learnt to give?
The apparent paradox
The concept of tough love reads like a paradox. The mention of love evokes feelings of glee and fluffy bliss. Only that it isn’t. Love is cruel. Love is the clash of selfishness and selflessness. All full of self, but through the eyes of another. To love is cruel. Being loved is torture too. You will have to train yourself to think of others before yourself and it hurts, like a jab to the chest, when your chosen one refuses to choose you. Refuses to acknowledge you. They that hurt you most are not those that openly tramp on your feelings. No. Brutes cannot play with heartstrings.
Those who kill our very resolve are those who know where we hide our sacred strings and refuse to strum them when we offer ourselves.
Love is hard. Especially for those who know no better than to love with their all. Those whose hearts know not of half arsed attempts. Those who dive head first into it and leave their fate to chance. Life is one big experiment that could blow up in your face or bubble into unfathomed beauty. That’s the risk and the opportunity.
What you don’t address you encourage
She had to talk to him. Something was amiss. She didn’t feel that she had him even though he was with her. He was always there but never present. How do you explain that to him when it all sounds crazy, even to her? She knew she was making excuses for him and she needed to stop. She knows better. Once bitten twice shy. She knew pain, she had lived with it and this was a clear recipe for tears.
Confrontation. The very word makes you sit up and subconsciously take a protective stance. Confrontation is about as natural as it is for a fish to sprint on land. Confrontations are uncomfortable but necessary. Why is it that all things that are good for you require a step into the uncomfortable unknown? Like exercise. The bittersweet mix of blood, sweat and curse words that ultimately makes us the best version of ourselves.
Tough love is the making of a king. A pot is fashioned by how long it stays in the furnace. The longer and more intense the heat, the stronger the pot. Pottery should be compulsory in schools. Kids would learn more life lessons through it than through the hours of drudgery that we went through in the name of an education. Tough love is the only way you can mould a spoilt brat into a responsible person aware of others and the effect that their actions could have.
Love must take a stand to be effective. It must chart a path of success and define the terms by which it will flourish. Ambiguity kills love. Assumptions and unsaid words leaves too big a room for errors that may be irreparable. Love is a symphony. An orchestra conducted by two people in unison and as soon as they stop being in sync, the melody goes off and interludes of awkward fumbling ensue.
Love is binding. So if you choose to be bound to each other, you better be ready to face the fact that you will have to live up to certain expectations. It’s not a rainbow colored ride sprinkled with glitter and good intentions, it is the ultimate culmination of desires, biases and compromises. You can’t afford to be quiet and hope that your good intentions are reciprocated. Spell it out from the beginning so that noone has any illusions of grandeur.
Fight if you have to but if you do nothing else, always have all your cards on the table.
Originally published at southsidesahara.wordpress.com on February 17, 2016.