If I Am Lost

If I am lost
it’s only for a little while.
If I’m distant
it is to keep from hurting you
while I find my way back to you.
If I am quiet
it’s because I’m waging wars,
winning and losing battles,
and I’m too preoccupied
to pay any mind
to the world outside my head.
If I’m sad
don’t pay any mind,
just ask permission before you try
to hold me
or kiss away the sadness
or help drag the weight from my bones.
If I am happy
remember that this is an honor
that you and I have both earned
by every war we’ve waged;
every long, cold, lonely night
was brought to a close with
sunlight, birdsong, and fresh coffee;
every time I yelled and screamed
about how you ought to leave
and you said not to say thing I didn’t mean
and then you stayed when I repeated those words
because you knew I wasn’t really talking to you;
every time you held me close
and let me cry and apologize…
Those were the battles we fought
to get here.
So remember that please, and of course,
if I am lost,
it’s only for a little while
until I find my way through to you.

Originally published at stella-g1rl.deviantart.com.

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