A Future Letter to My Daughter After She Says “Fuck You” to Me for the First Time
Let me start with “I’m sorry.”
If you’re reading this, it means two things: First of all, that I became a mother sometime in the future and second, that we’ve just had what I can only assume is a pretty bang-up argument, which ended with you declaring for the first time in history that not only do you hate me, but that I should also go fuck myself.
Let me start by saying I’m sorry.
I’m sorry because undoubtedly, in this heated moment, I will be hurt. I will be selfish. I will be offended. I will feel disrespected. I will be desperately trying to fathom at which point I went wrong with you. And I will not validate the very big feelings that brought you to this point of emotional climax.
But the truth is, I’ll know I haven’t gone wrong at all. I will have done something very right.
If you tell me to fuck myself, I’ll know I have raised a woman who can think and who owns her opinions. I’ll know I have raised a woman who isn’t terrified of getting vulnerable, of stripping down to her most naked self emotionally — and maybe even physically — and presenting herself to the world, therefore opening herself up to judgment.
If you tell me to fuck myself, I’ll know it’s because you’re feeling scared, misunderstood, judged, and vulnerable.
If you tell me to fuck myself, I’ll know you love me so much that you’re not afraid to push me away with big feelings and big words — that you are so self-assured mom will always love you, that you know you can say whatever and it won’t affect my love for you. Because it won’t. I will still love you after this.
I’m sorry because, to push you to this point, I must’ve robbed you of something: security, independence, integrity, responsibility, or confidence.
I’m sorry because if you’re saying “fuck you” to me, I took something away from you. I failed you. I let you down. You had an expectation of me and I did not meet it.
Baby girl, here’s the good news: You can say whatever you want to me and I will always be your mom. You can tell me how you truly feel and take your frustrations out on me and I will never leave. I will take it all. I will show you that you can be as raw and emotional as you want and a person will stay and sit there with you.
I will sit there with you, in that first “fuck you” and we will get through it together.
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Stephanie is a social media editor in the magazine industry and blogs about all things lifestyle at StephOsmanski.com. Her words have been featured onSeventeen, USA Today, Parents, J-14, HelloFlo, Hollywood, and more.
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