Thick and Thin

It’s been quite a while since I’ve posted an entry, as I’ve been working to get acclimated to my new job as an instructor at S.P.C. Also, I haven’t had a topic that’s gotten me interested enough to write about, and I didn’t want to write a political post here, as I’ve found that the quickest way to lose readers is talk politics.

But, I want to talk about something that’s been in my life for a long time that I struggle with even today–it’s been on my mind a lot lately. I’ve not talked a lot about it on here before and I think it’s time to say something: my weight.

As you may have noticed, I’m a big dude. In fact, I currently weigh somewhere between 285 and 288 pounds. I wear large enough clothing that it’s getting to the point where it’s hard to find clothes my size at WalMart, as there’s plenty of stuff for people my waist size, but there must not be many out there that’s my height, which is weird ’cause you’d think it’d be the other way around.

For pretty much all of my life, my weight has been something I’ve had to deal with. All through high school, I was overweight. Not obese, but not fit. And when I graduated from S.P.C., I weighed around 220 at 6’1″.

But, after going off to WTAMU, I gained more weight, ultimately getting up to 280 lbs.

After rarely dating in the previous college years, I thought to myself that I would probably have better luck with finding companionship if I lost weight. And, so I did.

I started dieting, exercising, and taking Fen-Phen. That combo let me knock off 20 pounds in a month. Then came the news about Fen-Phen and peoples’ hearts not playing well together. But, even after I stopped the medicine, I continued dieting. And, lo and behold, I found companionship. But when that relationship had ended, I went into a depression. And I started dieting again.

With a vengeance.

I stopped eating hardly anything, and had started exercising amazingly unhealthy amounts. I would run 4–5 miles a day, seven days a week, and doing cardio (or what I thought was cardio) while subsisting on 1200–1400 calories a day.

I lost an additional 70 pounds in a little less than a year.

That’s right. At 6’1″, my nadir was around 138 or 139 lbs. I wore a size 28 jeans. The hair on my head and arms was getting crispy. My mood was horrible–I was cranky, ugly and bitter–and I drove away my close friends and my family. Ultimately, I had become downright skeletal.

In fact, a teacher friend of mine took me aside and expressed his concern for my well being. (Thanks Frank!)

(And, looking back, I know now that I was anorexic, and I also recognize the first big signs of obsessive-compulsive disorder.)

I started going to a dietician. And, as a result of the seriousness of my condition combined with a newly reintroduced stream of nutrition, I developed a heart problem, which I had to handle with, you guessed it, more exercise. (It probably didn’t help either that–at the time–I was a pack and a half a day Camels smoker)

At this point, I’d like to also tell you that my parents are some of the greatest people in the world. I don’t know how they put up with me at that time, but they were always on my side, always working with me to get me better.

And slowly–so, so slowly–I worked up to a good healthy weight and was there for 8 or 9 years. I even quit smoking. (I am, fortunately, still quit to this day.)

But, now my weight is back to where it was before.

Herein lies the quandary: I want to lose weight to be healthy and to be able to buy clothes at WalMart. But, I don’t want to go back to where I was before.

Here are the facts I am dealing with.

  1. I need to exercise more, but
  2. I hate exercising. (See why I was a bear? haha)
  3. I like eating food, but
  4. I need to eat better food and less.

So, I’m starting up…again. My current goal is 220. When I get there, I’ll reevaluate and set new plans.

Prayers are requested.

Originally published at on March 6, 2017.

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