If My Toddler Used Twitter Like Trump

Mommy about to post YouTube of me singing and dancing to the Little Bunny Foo Foo. Enjoy!

It’s illegal to scribble on kitchen walls and pour syrup on dog’s head? THIS WILL CHANGE!

Failing Mommy and Daddy saying I’m going to start sitting on potty now that I am 3. NOT!

Real scandal is why everyone thinks going in the potty is such a big deal. Time to focus on big story: Radical Muslim Terrorists!

Wow. Lyin’ Daddy now trying to bribe me to sit on potty with M&Ms. #DrainMyBath!

@MissAmyNursery saying I won’t get chocolate milk with my snack if I bite Little Jeremy again. VERY UNFAIR!

No one respects Little Jeremy more than I do!

Great time today playing in the the park with Prime Minister Shinzo!

Failing @nytimes and @cnn reporting that I once sat on potty at Grandma’s house. FAKE NEWS! I thought it was a chair!

If you were going to bribe someone to use the potty with M&M’s, wouldn’t you offer more than 3? #DrainMyBath!

I don’t know Vladimir Putin! But, if I did, I know he would be happy to change my diapers.

Why does Little Jeremy never never lose his chocolate milk when he does something bad? #DrainMyBath!

When #2 is coming and a child is no longer allowed to decide when and where he can go — BIG TROUBLE!

Why does Good Fairy punish Bunny Foo Foo for bopping field mice on head? Field mice are rapists!

Will be singing the ABC’s on Hannity tonight at 8:00 p.m. Enjoy!

Weak and discredited Mommy making me wear big boy pants in house. Diapers not the issue. Need to stop the leaks. #DrainMYBath!

Paid protestors and thugs calling for me to use potty. Did Lyin’ Daddy offer them M&Ms, too? #DrainMyBath!

Failing Daddy thinks I’m the one with a biting problem? He should spend some time in Sweden!

If I’m such a biter, why have I never bitten so-called preschool teacher @MissAmyNursery?

Great nap this morning with CEO’s of the Retail Industry Leaders Association!

I will never go back on my pledge to wear diapers forever. Also, Arnold Schwarzenegger was a horrible governor.

Failing @cnn now says they have evidence of me biting @MissAmyNursery. FAKE NEWS!

Congratulations to Stephen Miller for representing my feelings on going in the potty on the various Sunday morning shows. Great job!

Failing Mommy and Daddy are the enemy of the American toddler.

@MissAmyNursery SEE YOU IN COURT!

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