Being a Non-Drinker in Social Situations Sucks

I tried a few sips here and there in college. I do not have any deep, personal reason that keeps me from doing it. I do not drink mainly for the reason I think all alcohol tastes like trash.

I never experimented with alcohol in high school. I think the majority of people I know (and the majority of people in general) tried alcohol for the first time in high school. I was never really presented with that opportunity and I was fine with it. I always thought somewhat that drinking was like a rite of passage or sort of like a vehicle to adulthood. I had heard of people doing it in the woods in high school, and I couldn’t have been any less interested.

At the same time, I have never smoked pot. I’d like to point out on top of this that I do not have any problems with either of these things and if you’re into both, that’s great. The issue is not that it’s a personal choice. I thought that if I told people that I don’t drink or smoke that it would be the end of the conversation, but it oftentimes is not.

I’d like to tell you that I have some moral obligation to myself by which I promised to abide. I do not. I very simply think that alcohol tastes very bad and that Pepsi tastes a lot better. Shoutout to George Costanza.

See, I never thought that this would be such a big issue, but boy was I wrong. I think my feeling awkward about it started when I was in college. I’d also like to point out that the people I lived with could not have been cooler about it. No one ever judged me for it, and nobody really ever asked questions. Sometimes I would get asked if I wanted something but I’d mostly refuse, but it was never made into anything.

I spent most of college in my dorm at night on weekends watching sports. Not that it’s a bad thing, but it’s really just the place I felt the most comfortable. Sometimes it sucked but overall, it wasn’t that bad. My friends always threw me an invite even though they knew I’d likely say no. Looking back, it was something I really appreciated, especially dealing with what I deal with now sometimes.

Things, however, started to get awkward once I turned 21. I thought since I was able to legally drink, maybe I’d go somewhere and order something, but I never could bring myself to do it. I never went to my first bar until I was 21 anyway. Actually, scratch that, my friends took me to an establishment called Traditions (aka Trads) on my 20th birthday. It was a dive bar on 164th Street in Jamaica, Queens, that notoriously served underage people.

For no reason at all, I’d like to point out that this place is closed forever, likely because they served literally anyone who walked in there, and I somehow got in with an ID that clearly said I was 20-years-old.

Anyway, even that night of my birthday I did not drink. If I remember correctly, I watched the Mavericks/Rockets game that was on the TV there and I also remember they played Knock Yourself Out by Jadakiss. It was, however, the first time I had been out in a social situation with my peers where 99% of them were drinking.

I felt deeply embarrassed and I don’t know why. I guess I think I just felt like a kid in a room full of adults. I was drinking water at a bar, watching a basketball game. I was the visual representation of the term “You hate to see it.”

That feeling happened in 2013 and six, nearly seven years later, I still feel it sometimes.

People generally do not make it easier. As I started to get older, I realized that most social situations as an adult are predicated on where everyone plans to go and drink. This becomes problematic for me because I have to start planning in my head what I am going to drink when I am there.

And when I am there, and everyone orders a drink, someone always asks the question:

“Are you not drinking?”

Immediately I think of this meme from San Andreas.

That question opens Pandora’s Box, and much of the time when I say no I usually get a “Why?”

I usually have to tell people at that point that I do not drink. I’ve tried before to hide it or say I didn’t feel like it. I would walk around with a solo cup full of soda if I did go to a party in college, but it gets exhausting making up lies when really I shouldn’t feel the need to do that.

“Well, I don’t drink.”

That response is met with one of two (but usually two) responses — both of which are asking me why I don’t drink.

I sometimes find this question to be a little intrusive because it’s really none of your dang business, but also it’s really none of your dang business. I tell people I don’t drink and they ask why and I tell them that it’s really just because I don’t like the taste. At that point I am usually told things like “Good for you,” or “That’s great, seriously I wish I could do that,” or “I bet you hate being around drunk people.”

First of all, I don’t deserve any moral high ground because I have eaten more fast food in my life than you’ve had alcohol, so let’s not pretend that I’m some sort of like, healthy goody-two-shoes type of person.

Second, with a lot of the questions people ask, they think they’re trying to be nice and polite, but what they’re really doing is treating me like a social pariah.

Once you tell people you don’t drink things change, maybe not on the surface, but things definitely change. You stop getting invites to certain places. I remember one time specifically someone told me that I wasn’t invited out somewhere by a mutual friend because they “didn’t want me to feel awkward at a bar,” and I was kind of hurt by that because like, I’m 26-years-old, I think by now I’m able to able to make choices. At the very least, you could throw the invite my way. I know this may be hard to believe but, I have had actual life experiences before.

Recently there have been sexual assault allegations surrounding comedian Chris D’Elia who has also proclaimed to be someone who doesn’t use drugs or drink. I always respected that. I think sometimes it’s just nice to see someone who I can say, “wow, that is relatable.” The issue is that now people on Twitter have been saying things like “Chris D’Elia is the reason why I could never trust someone that doesn’t drink alcohol.” My personal favorite was “I knew Chris D’Elia was hiding something when he said he doesn’t drink or do drugs. Only sickos live like that.”

I would like to be the first to say that if there is anyone who actually believes stuff like that, then I would advise you to kick rocks. I would also like to remind you that people by and large who don’t partake in that live completely normal lives and aren’t predatory.

I then began to see what other people don’t drink, I started googling celebrities, looking on Facebook, trying to see or find someone who had some sort of understanding. I then saw a meme about only trusting people you can drink with and I was basically done with using the internet for that. It sucks.

But I think many would be surprised at how much some of the inquisitive people treat you differently once they find out. It’s almost like a weird, treating-you-like-a-kid type of thing. It’s hard to explain, but it’s like they don’t think that you’re welcome there because their mood changes as they drink and yours stays the same. I can’t even begin to explain how many times I’ve gotten “You’re probably miserable here.” I wasn’t, but now that you’ve pointed that out, I am.

As someone in their mid 20’s who does not drink, you get accustomed to a certain kind of treatment. It’s not that people treat me badly, and no one has ever actually mocked me in particular. But there have been a few times being around people who don’t know I’m not a drinker that make offhanded comments about people who don’t. So it’s like, tell me how you really feel. It’s something that has become stigmatized and I don’t get it. It’s not “super lame,” as I have been told before. In a society that is moving toward becoming ….or at least trying to become more socially accepting of different things what could be more fundamental than that?

And honestly, I think the worst part of it is that I’d really like to enjoy myself sometimes. It’s harder than it looks. It’s something that I think about every time I go somewhere. When friends ask you to go out for a beer and I’m wondering what they’re going to think when I order a Coke. It’s come up on occasion. One time I ordered a strawberry lemonade at a bar and the waiter brought me back a strawberry lemonade that had a LOT of some sort of alcohol in it because I took one sip and almost died. I’m sitting there thinking, “What about my order of a strawberry lemonade indicated that I wanted it spiked?”

It’s just frustrating. You feel like people treat you differently or act differently the minute you tell them you don’t do a thing that has become a staple in society. When their first response to you is to now elevate that part of the conversation to a level you were hoping to avoid. People want answers for some strange reason.

I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m never going to be a drinker.I’ve also come to terms with the fact that I’m likely not going to ever feel totally comfortable in a social situation that involves alcohol. I’m kind of lame, and it took me a while but I’ve become okay with that. Okay, no, I haven’t been, I’m closer than I was. I think the trick seems to be just avoiding the conversation altogether. I’ve been told that it doesn’t matter that I don’t drink but actions have oftentimes proved otherwise. Just try to surround yourself with people who genuinely don’t care about it, but that care about you enough to not talk about it.

The practical advice I was given was to order a sprite in a small glass with a lime in it. I have yet to try this but I’ll update the five people who read this if I ever actually do it.