My Queer Calling And What I Believe That Means
Almost two years ago I started working as an administrator at the church I grew up in. I was so happy and full of joy. I could use the communication skills I had learnt from 21 years of nursing and teaching to speak to people and empathise with them as they were trying to navigate through all the trials and tribulations of life. Even though that wasn’t in my official job description, this was a truly loving place to grow ever closer to God. I was almost seeing myself as a pastoral assistant. I put myself on the rota for leading the Sunday evening prayer team and gained the love and trust of the fellowship. Everything was going terribly well until Summer 2017.
That was when, after years of hating myself and denying my sexuality that I finally came to terms with being gay.
I remember the feeling that took over me when I realised that this may not go as smoothly as I had hoped it would. Why would God allow me to take a job in my Church and then allow me to come to terms with my sexuality? Now, if I had control of this then I would have done it rather differently. I don’t think that I would have taken the job at the Church if I was openly gay two years ago. I don’t think that many people would have.
This entire situation could never ever be controlled by me. I had to allow God to take control. It was the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do and I did sink into a deep depression for a while but God was so good to me throughout all of this.
Throughout this time, as I relinquished control and gave it all to God, I believe that he was working really hard behind the scenes. Over the past two years I have gained the trust and respect of the church fellowship. They can already see that I am a great example of a disciple of Jesus. I do so much within my church and my community. I spend time volunteering for ‘Street Pastor’s’ which I absolutely love and I enjoy being Jesus’ eyes and ears on the streets of my local community.
I believe that he was calling me to be a bridge builder between the LGBT community and the Christian community. This may appear to be a profound thing to be talking about but I really do believe that this is what he was doing. He was preparing me and educating me in all things Gay and Christian. I had read books by many gay Christian authors and had watched YouTube videos and listened to podcasts in order for me to know more about this subject.
I recently came out to my Pastor and it all went quite well. The next hurdle will be telling the fellowship. I honestly don’t know how that is going to go but this is part of what I believe is my queer calling. However it does go, I will need to be the best example of a gay Christian man than I can possibly be. I will need to be full of love and grace for people while being able to forgive them for possibly saying unaffirming things to me. I will need to show them that being gay is not all about sex or who you sleep with. I will need to show them that gay people are just as human as they are. We eat, sleep, breathe, have emotions, get upset, feel joy, have good days and bad days in the same way as any other person does. We are not just body, we are also soul and spirit. We are not all about our sexuality. We are human.
I am hoping and praying that my queer calling will heal, mend and restore what the enemy has taken away from me. I want to be able to build bridges of love and understanding. I want to be an ambassador for LGBT rights especially within the church. This is what I believe that God is doing. He is pushing the church forward and using my experience as an oppressed gay man to both liberate myself and the church and move us both forward to a place of pure joy, fellowship, community and belonging.
Let’s include our LGBT friends and family. Lets do what Jesus did by loving everyone. Let’s allow full inclusion within our churches based primarily on love and an understanding that some of us are different. Diversity is colourful and wonderful. Let’s all embrace that and change our cultures in our churches from the inside out and let’s allow the world to see that real, inclusive, diverse love, this love that comes from Jesus, is really Christian.
