I think I must break good etiquette and do some block-quoting just to be clear what we’re talking…
Douglas Milnes

Douglas, thanks for your comments. You wrote,

Who else do we hold responsible for our feelings if not ourselves, the person who has the feelings?

That’s a good question, but not the operative one. The operative question is what led to the hurt feelings? The action of the person holding the door.

As I wrote before, if you used a word that you didn’t realize was an insult, that doesn’t mean you haven’t caused someone upset. The appropriate response is to admit that you used a word without understanding and to not repeat that act. You might still use the word, but next time you will know it’s upsetting and accept responsibility for using it.

I asked,

Do you feel insulted? Explain it to me if you are.

You responded with,

Why should I explain it to you?

Because I was unsure whether you were offended or if you were proposing a hypothetical If you were offended, I’d like to understand how so I can avoid unintentionally offending you, or someone else, in the future.

The rest of what you wrote is based on a misunderstanding of why I asked, so I can’t really respond.

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