Nobody is suggesting you have a foolproof method for predicting how someone feels. The point I am making, which I must be making poorly, is that when someone is offended, the best way to respond is to try to understand, not dismiss it as the other person’s problem.
Let’s go all the way back to your original comment:
For example, some female feminists now see a man holding a door open for them as a form of misogyny. I struggle to believe any of them would have seen things that way if the doctrine had not ‘told‘ them to think like that
Do you see it yet or are you really that unaware?
I do not blame women. I criticise feminist ideas.
Yes, you did blame women. Look at the quote above. That’s blaming women.
I only said it’s the other person’s problem as far as I am concerned in a situation where I have not intended any harm.
So go ahead and use insulting language and actions all day long; as long as you don’t intend harm, that’s other peoples problem, not yours.
Why are you so bothered about women anyway?
I’m actually bothered by people claiming that when a person feels insulted, it’s the person that’s been insulted that is at fault.
I am criticising doctrine = a set of ideas = NOT people.
No, you are not.
You’re shifting blame to the person that’s been insulted and excusing the behavior that led to the insult. Along the way you are implying that the insulted person isn’t capable enough to avoid being indoctrinated into a doctrine that only exists in your mind.