That is a lot.
I’m so sorry to hear that this is your struggle right now, and has been for quite a while.
To be where you are mentally makes a lot of sense. You are in a fragile state and to accept and internalize what is going on around you seems unbearable. You are in a state of preservation and it is completely understandable as to why you are here.
Please take time to continue to check in with those you trust. Consult with a mental health professional and make sure that before you accept the terms of these painful circumstances are in a place where you can tolerate what is being asked of you.