Grace is compassion. God chose Bridget and when she was diagnosed with cancer my late-wife felt grace through God’s compassion for her. Bridget shared with me, her doctors, her family, and anyone who would listen that she loved Jesus and was accepting—although not eager—of her fate. God’s grace demonstrated His concern for the suffering of Bridget and my daughters, Grace & Chloe, who have been so filled with joy through their sadness in losing their mom. There are numerous other ways Bridget, me, our girls, and our families felt God’s concern for our suffering during and following Bridget’s sickness and death.

Grace is belonging. To be born into the family that I am a part of and to join Bridget’s family through marriage is by grace alone. They provide me and my girls with such a strong sense of belonging. This doesn’t even compare to the belonging we have in being chosen by God. To believe—hard as it is for me at times—that our perfect Creator finds me valuable enough to give salvation is an awesome sense of belonging. So awesome in fact that I too often struggle to receive and comprehend the freedom it affords me.

“To believe—hard as it is for me at times—that
our perfect Creator finds me valuable enough to
give salvation is an awesome sense of belonging.”

Grace is never-ending. If you believe that God is prefect, then God will finish all of his work to a good outcome. God’s grace was first evident in my life when he elected me to be His child. (I believe this to have occurred before conception.) If that is truth, and if God will finish his work in me through to my salvation, then His grace is never-ending. This has been evidenced in my life. I have walked out of step with God on numerous occasions. In high school when I was exceedingly self-centered, in college with some dating relationships that were one-sided, through breakups that were hurtful, through other actions/decisions I made that greatly scared others, etc. They continue today when I make poor choices in my own life that effect my life and other people’s lives. But, God’s grace is available to me—He is refining me through trials, grace, and mercy.

Grace is love. To know that God has given me—someone only deserving because God has miraculously deemed me deserving—the gift of eternal life is love. This gift came at the cost of the life of Jesus, which I have to keep front-and-center. Because, I often don’t. When I don’t keep the sacrifice in mind, when I am out of distant with my relationship with Jesus, then it is harder for me to recognize—to feel—the love I have in God. As I work through grief, shame, depression, and strive for more vulnerability and greater authenticity, I need to lean on God’s love for me. God wants me to lean on him. Too often I have leaned on my own abilities/understandings/ control and that has ultimately failed and left me sad and regretful. I think of the failed relationship with my most recent girlfriend and my self-reliance during the relationship. Due to shame and not leaning enough on God, I tried to support myself with her and that was insufficient—it always is for me.

Grace allows forgiveness. With God’s grace I can stop feeling angry, resentment, and can feel that whatever I need to sacrifice in atonement for my sin has already been sacrificed. God has a full-time job granting me grace through forgiveness. You can ask my girls, my family, or my ex-girlfriend. The list is endless. I am working to remove the illusion that I can eradicate all my sin—part of my work on shame and depression. I am also working to accept that the sin I commit is already forgiven through God’s grace. However there is the tension of what I’ll call “God’s economy”—where grace is abundant and mercy is generously provided—and “human economy”—where justice, revenge, grudges, and settling of accounts is abundant. I believe in “God’s economy”, but I live within the “human economy” where we evidence the fallen world out of alignment with graceful forgiveness.

Grace is repentance. When I feel the guilt of failure, I want to make amends. I apologize when I have wronged someone. The beauty in God’s grace is their is no accounting; he sent his son to die once, for all who believe, and to forgive all sin for all time. As a result I am empowered—although I don’t do it always—to turn 180* from my failings. There are numerous examples of repentance in my life and there will be many more. The thing I struggle with is believing that God forgives me fully when I repent. It is hard for me to fathom given that I continue to judge myself long after repenting.

“The thing I struggle with is believing that
God forgives me fully when I repent.”

Grace is justification. When I repent, God forgives graciously, and therefore I am justified. I am brought back into alignment; I am set back on the right and true path. With certainty I’ll get out of alignment due to my sin and need to repent and receive God’s grace. It is repetitive in its nature and design. Out of love and admiration I seek to live a life honoring and pleasing, but my litany of sin is a consistent reminder of falling short. I struggle falling short. But, I need to remind myself that if I do not fall short, then I had achieved divine status. And do I really want that?

Grace is regeneration. When I was lost to depression late in high school and early in college, I was removed from relationship with Christ. However, grace is never-ending and He came back for me. Striving to get my ducks-in-a-row—pray daily, remove petty sins, and think only good thoughts—was my prerequisite in college for giving my life over to God. After 3 to 6 months of this effort, I gave up and accepted Christ. It finally dawned on me that I wouldn’t be able to perfect myself for acceptance. I wouldn’t need acceptance if I was perfect. And it wasn’t my life that I was giving. It was the life I was gifted by God’s grace—wholly undeserved—and with Christ as the trustee over my life.

Grace is counter-cultural. We have freebies all throughout our daily lives. I received free razors in the mail, free food samples at Costco, free address labels in the mail, and a free 1-hour consult from my therapist. But, did I truly think these were free? No, our culture gives under the law of reciprocation. God’s grace is opposite. It is no-strings-attached. None implicit or explicit. Simply love. I can’t relate as God’s child—I deserve retaliation and judgement. I can totally relate as a dad—I desire to give my girls the unmerited favor of my unceasing love.

“When you bow down and admit your dependence on me,
I will lift you up and give you honor.” James 4:10

Grace is cleansing. Through grace the soil of my humanity is removed and the purity of being made in Christ’s image remains. I am made pure through Christ. This was made evident to me shortly after I moved to Boston. I got involved with Park Street Church on a whim; seeing several mid-20 year-old people leaving church late on on Tuesday drew my attention. I was there the next week. My heart for the Lord was transformed through the people and the teaching at Park Street Church. Through that time I was reminded that I was made clean of my endless sin.

Grace is undeserved. There is nothing we can do to earn, compel, or draw upon grace. This is another of the unfathomable characteristics of grace. That as sinners from the start and through to death we receive forgiveness. Why? Why would God allow his son to suffer and die for me? For a kid that sinned, repented, sinned again in the same fashion, repented, and then sinned yet again after thinking I should not repeat this sin! Why was I chosen? It was all grace—all God’s free and unmerited favor upon my life. I get it, but it is hard to feel the freedom of the absolute removal of the ultimate judgement for my repeated and at times unrepentant sin.

Grace is freely given. I don’t have to pay in money or slavery for grace. I have been a slave to shame for things that I frankly did against even my knowledge of God at the time. Yet, God still chose me. God still chose lowly Steve. Someone who lies, who is prideful, who is arrogant. To someone like me God freely gives grace.

Grace is unlimited. There is no time, money, effort, or action mandate. You simply receive grace. Those that do are most often compelled to respond with love and adoration. I’m so thankful that grace is unlimited because I know that there is no limit to the sin within my life. I do not have unlimited self-control to thwart my sin.

Grace is freedom. Receiving and accepting grace provides the freedom, from and through Christ, to confidently do, speak, and think without hindrance or restraint. God has promised me that freedom from enslavement to sin. I think of what the quarterback of the Seattle Seahawks mentioned when interviewed before the Super Bowl. The reporter asked if Wilson was nervous. Wilson responded that the outcome is already assured and that Wilson’s job is to confidently work, lead, and think on the football field without restraint trusting in God’s provision over his life and safety. I only wish I could embody the same level of self-confidence

Grace is salvation. It is true. Grace delivers us from our sin and its consequences. It is gift; it is grace. Evidenced most recently in my life in faith that Grace and Chloe demonstrate and communicate to me. They are saved through God’s grace. During Bridget’s death I was witness to the perfecting of this salvation as I watched her move from this side to that side of glory.