Where Is My Epiphany?
I demand my epiphany, my pivotal moment where I reach clarity on all things which are, or should be, important to me. The Oxford Dictionary defines an Epiphany as:
‘A moment of sudden and great revelation or realisation’
Of course, an epiphany is to be expected, almost a requisite, after a life changing event. In my case, a broken neck. Surely this is significant enough to prompt at the very least a ‘whooaa type’ moment although I did really want something very substantive, something I could tell my friends about-which they in turn could inwardly reflect upon and walk away a little wiser and more balanced. I still wait, but fear the moment has passed that I will be denied my epiphany. I feel cheated in so many ways.
The injury was due to a distortion between my bike skill and the terrain. It hurt but only felt like muscle damage, however as an ex-scout I appreciated the risk of spinal damage. My riding buddy, Chris, sent for an ambulance and I was duly delivered to hospital on a spinal board. After poking, prodding and x-rays I was discharged with muscle damage. The opportunity for a pivotal moment lost. A second chance occurred a few days later. Doctor ‘Positive’ called: ‘Mr Brown, we’d like you to come back to the hospital for us to check a few things and more x-rays-yes, right now would be perfect. Nothing to worry about though, but you need to come straight away’ . The 1 hour car journey, as a passenger, certainly provided a chance for reflection, but again no thunderclap of clarity. Hours of supine (not to be confused with sublime) rest on a spinal board and a second round of x-rays, second and third opinion and a lengthy wait confirmed: a broken neck, which is stable and no present risk of spinal damage just wear a neck brace for the next 3 months. The news was delivered in a ‘shoot from the hip manner’ by a consultant the same age as me-around 40. The delivery ended with ‘you are extremely lucky, you came close to being paralysed from the neck down’ and with those words ringing in my ears the consultant departed. I waited, surely now is the perfect opportunity for the epiphany to arrive.
It did not. No epiphany; no realisation; no clarity-only selfish frustration of my situation arouse. Over the ensuing weeks and days I realised that such an event should not be expected to deliver the ‘answers’, but rather help me reflect on my how life can be enhanced by doing less. The event provided me with something I already had but did not use. I have to rest, to take it easy and this meant I slowed right down and in turn took the time to think what could have been. Instead I created my own slow-cook epiphany. One that I have been working on, and will continue to work on to reflect on how perfect life already is . I just need to slow down, say ‘no, sorry I don’t want to do that’ a lot more and appreciate the moment. I already have time, but often use it in the wrong way. Demanding ‘A moment of sudden and great revelation or realisation’ underlined my need need to slow down and savour a slow cooked epiphany.
