Nothing to prove & golden rays of freedom.

Photo by Warren Wong on Unsplash

I’m sick of feeling I have something to prove.

Trying to prove to the disability company that I’m still sick. Trying to prove to my mom that I’m improving. Trying to prove to my family that I’m making the choices that are right for me.

Proving, proving, proving.

Always something to prove to someone.

What if it were enough that I believe me? That I know how I feel. That I know what my body needs. And that I know what feels right for me and what doesn’t.

It’s all in the energy. In how it feels.

Surely there is a way to share without defending. And a way to explain without having a truth you need to protect.

The truth is the truth. What if it doesn’t need to be proven, defended, or protected?

What if there is an open space where everyone is entitled to the truth that lies within their own heart and mind and soul?

A place where your truth doesn’t have to match mine and we both can be okay with that.

Or maybe an even more spacious place, that’s closer but somehow feels more distant. A place where I don’t feel the need to wish for you to be something you’re not. A place where your truth doesn’t have to match mine and the only thing that matters is whether or not I can be okay with that.

This is the place I wish to be.

The place I dream of. The place where I’m free.

I long to live

in the open, spacious field,

golden and radiant

with sunlight,

where I finally feel the freedom

that’s dwelled within me

all along.

May the need to prove myself melt

into golden rays

of liquid love,

to dance through the air

wild and free —