I gave up on Christianity and Religion many years ago. Yet, I consider myself a spiritual being. Other than growing up in New England, a lot of how you describe your childhood mirrors mine.
I have a hard time thinking of any god in a personified form… and it seems to me that by making a god in the form of a man is the greatest distortion and one of the most harmful tools wielded by male-dominated religions. It is frequently used to discriminate against and marginalize women. To say nothing of those who don’t look or act like them. So, it has always been hard for me to relate to.
On the other hand, when I slow down and relax… take nice deep breaths (maybe that is called meditation).., I feel a connection to everything around me. The same pulse that runs through our veins is alive in everything around us…
I think we function in one big morphogenic field. A field that we are apart of. That we are separate from it is the illusion. I don’t believe in heaven and/or hell.., other than those we create for ourselves. Instead, I think that when we no longer animate these physical bodies… our life force energies are absorbed back into All-That-Is.
To sum this up: I feel very spiritual, yet to those who are religious, I would likely be considered an atheist.
Thanks for your thoughtful piece… can’t wait to see what the next one is!