The Sky’s the Limit

Finding connection to my spirituality has been life changing in so many ways. It has been enriching and allowed me to create, or co-create a life I am not sure I could have really imagined or dreamed of before.

The biggest reason for this is because, prior to developing my internal connection and guidance to the world around me, everything I imagined about having the life of my dreams was external.

I imagined a bigger house, a nicer car, a better job, more money, more things, etc, etc… All the while I thought these things would bring peace, happiness and success. These thing would bring with them, the perfect life.

There’s nothing wrong with any of those things, unless of course you are like me and thought that they would make me the person I wanted to be.

I avoided any kind of spiritual work for years because I associated it with religion, which I knew from a young age didn’t work for me. As a result of shutting the door to religion, I also closed it on my own spirituality. I had them collapsed together and imagined I had buried them forever.

Yet all along I knew I had access to insights, intuition and senses that were guiding me, without knowing what they were or where they came from. Quiet whispers that pierced through the noise of a busy mind. A mind plotting control and direction. Weighing pros and cons. Prioritizing, analyzing and sorting the details of a busy life…, that was on its way to collecting more stuff!

Then one day, keeping all the plates spinning wasn’t enough. I wanted to know why I was spinning them. Was multi-tasking, juggling and winning my purpose for being on the planet? I had created a successful life and yet, something was missing.

I was content, I felt safe and secure, and I had beautiful things. But to what end?

Life changed as I shifted focus towards my-Self! Who am I? Why am I here? What matters to me?

I quickly realized most of my life was built around pleasing other people or trying to be perceived a particular way. Or in truth…, being perceived in the many ways I thought the people around me wanted or expected me to be.

This meant my life was compartmentalized into manageable (I thought!) boxes. The people I worked with, family, friends, dates/partners, and everyone else. Performing my designated role with each of them. In a single moment I realized I was too exhausted to keep up the show that had become my life.

Instead of looking externally for answers, my gaze turned inward.

Looking at beliefs and attitudes, thoughts and emotions, what was working and what wasn’t became my focus. Stripping away the old stories and patterns that had been keeping me on the same track for so long became the priority.

Life started to change.

But it was messy and sloppy. Uncomfortable and awkward. Thrilling and scary. People and things started to shift. Many falling away or becoming more distant. New people and things emerging. Each one requiring more and more self examination.

Self-awareness… awakening to my own personal truth… transforming the situations and circumstances of life that either no longer fit or were newly insistent on being a part of the future I was crafting.

I didn’t do this on my own. I attended workshops, listened to guided visualizations, meditated, read self-help books, and went to retreats designed to support self-discovery. The more I opened to change the more options and opportunities presented themselves.

Yet what I was discovering was that there was no “one” right thing. It was an excruciating time of constant discernment. Even if I encountered something that was really working for many people.., I still had to decide if it was right for me. Did it resonate or not.

Could I take 60% of what I was hearing or reading and let the rest go? What if only 20% of something resonated? How do I take this mixed bag of experiences and allow them to fit with my unique journey?

For years it was a constant game of uncovering and replacing beliefs. Both partial and whole. Oftentimes feeling like I was suspended between confusion and understanding. Learning to trust my own internal guidance.

This meant an entirely new relationship and awareness with my internal senses and intuition. It also meant changing the measuring devices I used to navigate my day to day world. One from a total reliance on my five physical senses…, to connecting with the energies of a person, place, thing or situation. Resonance or dissonance. Energies only perceivable with our internal senses.

Out of the messy, unstable swamp of self awareness, a new and solid foundation emerged. One where safety and security are once again present. Although this time, not as protection from anything life throws at me, but a trust and knowing that I will be have the flexibility to move with and adjust to any changes.

I am beyond content, I am joyful. There are so many aspects of my current life I could not have created without going through the destruction of the old.

There are times when I was in the middle of the swamp when I wished I could turn back. Or times I feared the distance to the other side and solid ground was greater than the strength I could muster to reach. Even a few false places of rest where I thought I might be able to linger or set up permanent residence.

But the desire for spiritual living kept calling me forward. Not because a new foundation was there…, but because from this new foundation, a beautiful spiritual life can be built.

From here, the sky’s the limit.