Day 104 — I Saw an Angel, Of This I’m Sure

Today I woke up at 5:30 AM. Last night before getting into bed I ate an extra 2 melatonin gummies, so that was 6 in total, and the serving size was only 2.

The sleep was fantastic. One woke up very energized and refreshed at 5:25 AM and fully rose five minutes later.

Work got done, then I drove for about an hour and worked with a client on some things, then I drove again for another hour and went to Safeway. I was just trying to use their parking while going to a cafe but the signs said if I walk away from the store my car will be towed. I was hungry, since what I had for breakfast was three eggs, and what I had for lunch was granola, so I bought croissants. They were 3.99, I thought there was only three, but after I ate one there was three in the container. I was certain my mind made it appear because I ate one yet didn’t quite take it away from its place somehow, because I was eating in a light way I figured. I know it’s a crazy thought. I couldn’t believe each croissant was only a dollar.

I made myself question how much a coffee or tea would be, which is about $4.5. I figured to compare food from now on with the prices of things, to truly understand how valuable and filling they really are.

Then after the cafe, in which I met a nice person named Lash, that commented on my name and had a tattoo of Italy on their left hand, I headed back to my car which was parked in a parking garage now.

I went to yoga. I gave C-lady Siddhartha, which I hope my friend doesn’t mind me giving to someone else to borrow. They’re a yoga teacher and healer and the book will benefit them greatly. Even though I am moving, I will see them again and get it at some point or another. So I figured it’s alright for now.

C-lady hugged me and my face was against the side of her’s. It felt very nice, for the lack of more words. I also spoke with the person working the front-desk today, and was surprised they were now on the yoga’s Google page. I had mentioned to them when I first met them, that they had the energy of a model and an actor in one. Then low-and-behold, they’re now the face of the yoga practice.

I went in and gave the yoga session my very best. My left back-of-the-knee “injury,” is nothing to me. I don’t care if it’s an LCL tear or sprain, I know that with yoga it’s going to dilute into nothing but the source of healing that the rest of my body is. I stretched my knee out in a position I learned from the class, at times others were doing child stretch poses or resting. I pushed down on my knee too, to stretch out the back of it, and said this knee is going to heal, it’s healing now, it’s ebbing this pain and tightness, it’s ebbing, it’s gone. Bye now temporary knee holding me back just a tad-oh-bit in some of these practices. Hello new and refreshed knee!

After the practice, the instructor said that the gratitude circle will be held next week. I looked at everyone in the class and said I won’t be here then, but I am grateful for all of you. The instructor was surprised I’m moving and said you just came and you’re leaving, which is funny because my other meditation/yoga group said the same exact thing.

I asked the instructor afterwards if I can ask him a weird question, and then I asked “May I touch your feet?” I keep seeing and hearing about this in Siddhartha and Be Here Now, all these people touching the feet of gurus. I never understood it or had a desire to touch someone’s feet, yet the instructor inspired this in me.

He responded somewhat baffled, “may you thank God,” then his face changed to happiness as he looked up to the skies. I didn’t know if he meant “no, may you thank God instead,” or if he meant “may you [the self] thank God, for this kind gesture.” He is from India or possibly some area close to it, if my assumptions are correct, so I assumed the later as I kind of inched towards his feet and he looked like he wasn’t going to move so I just bowed down, held each of his feet with my hand, with my head on the ground for about five seconds.

I had already blessed him for this moment, while practicing the yoga he was instructing earlier. So now as I bowed, there was no effort of blessing or thanks or energy. It was silence, which is, the Language of God. I got up, bowed, and said thank you, he bowed and said Namaste, then I walked to the bathroom.

I changed there. Then I said goodbye to the front-desk person, who I’ve spoken with twice before, and C-lady. C-lady hugged me twice, maybe three times, I was grateful for hugging her. She makes me feel great. Then the front-desk person asked if I’m going for good, I said yes, but I will see you again. They both walked me to the elevator. The front-desk person went to hug me, they had tea in their hand, it nearly spilled as they were trying to keep the elevator door behind me open. I told them I will see them again. In fact, C-Lady as early as before the class said she will have to come out and see me [where I live].

You see, that’s a very nice gesture of C-lady. Just as a refresher, I was too shy to get their number and they gave it to me without me asking, while I was getting the number of someone else I met at yoga. I wanted to ask them out on a date, but I was too shy, and they asked ourselves out in such a smooth way. I would have loved to have C-lady over, but I would be too shy to invite someone to come over 60 miles to see me, especially since they don’t drive.

I told them we can make it work, they can take the metro as far out to me, and then I can pick them up.

As the elevator was closing, C-lady was saying she will see me, and the front-desk person and her were both just staring at me beaming. I couldn’t believe it. This is the sort of thing that happens to B. Dass in Be Here Now. Not the guy who just started sitting, meditating, and doing yoga a few months ago. The transformation blew me away.

Just a few weeks prior, maybe three weeks ago, I was searching, and searching, and searching. Looking for someone to connect with. I gave that away, that feeling, so fully. Not in a “I will attract great things if I let go of attachment,” but rather, let go, let go, let go, it doesn’t matter what comes or doesn’t come out of it. Let go. You have seen what it is like to drop pebbles in ponds, and have enjoyed the splash of the reflection of reality, but don’t drop your pebbles of effort and wait for the mist to fall on you. The mist is not enough for your greatness. The mist will not cool you, the mist will not fill your body, you will not hydrate, you will crave more mist.

I said, let the tidal wave come to me. Let everything sweep over me, I will be buoyant. I will be there. Do not seek to create experiences. Meld with experience, be one, with one.

Somehow, which I don’t know why I’m surprised, it had the effect of actually attracting great things, people, ideas, connections with God, community, and communing. How is that possible? I do not know. These things are beyond me. I am a tree growing. I do not question my existence or my direction. The sun guides me. The warmth radiates my being, and when it is cold, it radiates out. That is all.

I was a bit late, about 12 minutes to be exact, to a hookah lounge I was going to meet a friend from my friends’ group of friends who are Evangelical Presbyterians. In the morning I had texted this friend that they have the strongest collar in the whole wide world (they broke it one time). They responded that metal is pretty strong, which is what their collar is now melded with…

Surprisingly this friend was doing sun salutations. That’s what I just learned about from the instructor last week, and wrote about me needing to do these daily. I then did some. I felt amazing, the sun and sky were both amazing. This friend told me to hang out with them later tonight.

I was so happy, because that meant I was definitely not going to do the stupid thing I wondered in the morning if I would do, which was going to a restaurant to make profanities and gestures at a guy that once gave my ex alcohol when she was 19. I was so extremely happy. This is the same friend that God brought me into the company of, so that I may be inspired to wake up, once again, as I used to early in the morning. Now this friend was inviting me to spend time with them, and that was taking me out stupid things. I told them this. They said come hang with me instead, I don’t know what we will do, but it will be more fun than burdening yourself with unkindness.


Spoken like a true awakened person.

They asked me if I wanted to go to a cafe or a hookah lounge. You see, I had the epiphany that I’m not a smoker the other day, and that I shouldn’t smoke just because I do stupid things. Yet I smoked 10 minutes after that realization because I found a perfectly good cigar in a wrapper on the highway I was walking on. In this case, I was getting the same message.

There was a cigar inside. A Palmer leaf cigar. It was longer than the black and milds. No filter. It looked better than what I had destroyed in my pocket. I figured I wasn’t a smoker but this was a sign that I should smoke right now. I lit up that cigar, and the next time a car honked at me, the cigar was in my mouth. It’s impossible to yell when a cigar is in your mouth, without it falling, so I figured that the sign here was chill out and have a smoke buddy.
-Smoke, be chill.

I get to the hookah lounge and my friend is in their car, talking to their partner. I go on my trunk and play my flute. Oh! I almost forgot, earlier in the day I played for two men I saw walking. I asked them if they wanted to hear a flute song, they said yes. They said not a lot of people are as easy going or relaxed, or something of that nature, as I am, would be nice if they were I thought! Maybe, with time, it took me time. One of the men was walking to get a new belt, he said his britches broke. I gave them $5 I said I hope they can split. The man I gave it to said to the man with the broken britches “you hang on to this,” and felt that he wouldn’t ask for it to be split. He knew I had stopped really to make sure this man can get a new belt, or at least, have a less burden in acquiring a new one. The broken britches man was named Red. His friend was Kevin, and funny enough, Kevin was wearing red. They walked off, I bid them farewell.

I get back to my story now, I’m on my trunk, playing my flute. My friend comes out, I hug them, and we go in.

What happened next was purely fantastically in the most fantasy way possible. We spoke the same language of God, of life, of blessing essential oils, of purification, of incense, of metaphors, analogies, testimonies, life, death, sacraments, Native Americans and their rights, instruments, mountains, hiking, traveling, people, plants, animals, veganism, and so, so, so much more.

At one point someone was looking for an iPhone cable, I went to my car to get it. Then someone came back with it and said they actually meant headphones with an iPhone 7 cable. I told this man a story about how I once got kicked out of an Apple store for complaining how the iPhone 7 needs such a new headphone cable (I don’t have an iPhone 7 but it came up). I left quite an impression on both this man and my friend with that story, which actually had an interesting follow up.

Oh, my friend also inspired me to become vegan on the spot. I was drinking a chai latte, they’re vegan, and just hearing them repeat to me the truth of what the diary industry is was enough. I became vegan on the spot. Later in the end of the night when I went back on my trunk to play the flute, I brought the croissants out, only to stop opening them when I realized there is butter and eggs in them.

While my friend and I were in the hookah lounge someone yelled a derogative name for a female dog and it one, distracted the living hell out of me, two, it resulted in us spilling my Turkish coffee somehow (not sure if it was my friend or myself). I got napkins, cleaned it up, and on the way back to the cashier’s area where I would throw the napkins away, I sat by the table of the man who cursed.

I asked him if he knew that word was insulting to some, after pre-facing it with that I’m really sorry to come out of the blue and possibly damper someone’s mood. I said I’m not asking to not say it, simply asking if they know some find it offensive.

I forget who told me I could ask this thing. Actually I remember now, my friend from Oregon. They said I don’t have to tell people not to use words like that, which I’ve been afraid of saying before, but instead can ask them a question.

The question was really important and I told them I’ve said the word before too and really I’m not trying to damper anyone’s mood. The man who said it and the other two there were actually not that upset with me, they seemed a tad-bit hurt by me asking them that. Like the realized everyone heard it and not everyone had wanted to hear it. I walked back and my friend was trying someone else’s hookah which was really good, it was raspberry or something.

My friend really inspired me to be resilient, to continue on my path of purification, and helped me see that there are others who think, live, and breath as I do, and actually quite well, with possibly, more elegance than I have had on most days.

They recommended I read The Alchemist. I will read the Alchemist.

It was getting late, we both had to wake up, I recommended we ground our roots in good sleep for a new day. My friend has off tomorrow, but still.

On the way to our car, we hugged. I love my friend. I didn’t tell them this, I can’t handle the love word right now because before I used it all the time and then it caused issues but I hugged them and then when we separated I hugged them again and told them everyone in their life is blessed. Then they asked if they can pray over me, I said yes and asked if I may bow.

I got on my knees and my friend prayed, and prayed, and prayed. I was overcome with happiness. Such kind and wise and empowering beams of light shone into me, out of me, and everywhere. I was the universe. I was I, once more.

My friend ended the prayer, I was touched and gave an “aww” as I lowered my head to the ground and kissed it, holding my lips there for a moment, as I would a lover, and then let them go, holding my head down, bowing even further, and then too letting go of the floor, coming up, and bowing. My friend may have said Namaste, I said thank you and got my flute and croissants out as they drove away. They were in front of me driving away when I closed my eyes and started playing. I opened them, and they were visually gone, yet still, in my heart, they hadn’t moved.

I counted my blessings and drove home, blessed.

To be continued…

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