A snap of my story

Reaching success is difficult there are a lot of challenges, struggles and difficulties where your might, character and strength is truly tested.

My plans on reaching success was pretty straightforward and simple, i would basically take a 100 mile per hour shortcut and reach my destination, without anticipating any struggles, challenges and difficulties i would face that would test me greatly emotionally and mentally. Part of this thinking was this belief that I was entitled to and deserved that my journey to success to be easy and that it could not be disputed about it by anyone, part of my thinking was that the world owed it to me and these were beliefs i had constantly affirmed and reaffirmed to myself day after day, until i finally allowed it to become a mentality of mine.

Of course through my development, wisdom and growth to become a better human being i realised these beliefs were nothing short of ridiculous and that i had to reintegrate with society and other people, not because i had gone to prison, but i was just so detached from others, i was unemployed and would either spend my time at home in my room or in the library minding my own business believing that people were plotting against me, trying to weaken me and break me down like everyone from my past and so i made plans to be extremely vigilant and protective over myself to the point i was so serious about life.

I had these plans in my head that because i was so ‘special’ that all i needed to do was just create a video on YouTube and because of my character, how i was and the knowledge i had, that would have been enough for me to gain maximum views on YouTube and become an immediate success, it was almost narcissistic, and this plan which was based on a ‘domino effect’ where i just create these videos just like ‘person x’ created videos where it suddenly went viral would equally work for me the same way it worked for ‘person x’ except my knowledge of ‘person x’ lifestyle, struggles and plan was completely void and missing, part of this, was the fact i had convinced myself totally everyone was more a less plotting against me, and so there was this idea that i would have to just turn up because ‘the world was waiting for me’.

Of course when it did not work and things did not go quite according to this glamorous plan, it created self-doubt whether i was worthy and it caused delay and also prevented me from actively routing out alternatives in how to build my success on YouTube, this reluctance was mainly because of the fact i centred my problems on my employment rather than my project, Of course i persevered through the struggle and endless waiting, finding out what to do, so even though i had what some may consider to be arrogant beliefs created from my past, i was not arrogant otherwise i would have quit.

i wasn’t a fan of Instagram or Facebook i found it too superficial and i did not know how to approach it, but part of me was also aware that in order for my success to grow on YouTube, i had to maximise my chances of it working, it wasn’t going to work by itself. So it created worry for me and a sense of frustration and annoyance, i tried to approach this all from a logical perspective and because i wasn’t really a logical or a rational person it meant i had to discard my emotions and literally struggle and do the things i did not want to do and that meant going on these social media sites despite the slight fears and anxieties i had of it, i had to do it and in order for the view count to grow i had to create a more realistic plan and that meant not just going on YouTube and creating videos and not promoting it.

It meant i had to literally create a Instagram, Facebook page which would involve me not just creating it but also following people from my past, people whom the majority i did not display my best version, strong and best character to, in fact i had displayed a weak version and poor version of my character to, so it is something that created a sense of panic, worry and a feeling of annoyance, it is something i did not want to do but i knew i had to do something because i wasn’t happy with my current situation, i dropped out of university and going back meant i would take out a loan and end up in even more debt, something my religion forbids, so i had to do something these under qualified jobs were not pleasing me and giving me any joy, the only thing which made sense to me was YouTube videos, where i would help others with knowledge i learnt and also help myself to be more wealthier and successful.

So in other words it is a shot at redemption, not to prove a point to these people from my past or because i need them, because i am aware that there will be those who will forever focus on what was wrong with you as an individual and never give you the chance to shine and will forever judge you as opposed to giving you a chance, so my job is not to please or appease them, my job is simply to do whatever i can to succeed and if that means revisiting my past and encountering those from my past whom i shared unpleasant experiences with in order to reach my goal then it is an obstacle and challenge i shall met.

The main reason is i had let myself down in the past and those who were actually good people i burnt bridges with because of the addiction i had and the wrong choices i subsequently made because of that and so the memories i am sometimes left with haunts me and leaves me feeling a great sense of guilt and wonder, what could have been if i had not made the mistakes i made, had i not had the addiction that i had what my life could have been like, that i could already have been successful, so there are regrets i have but at the same time this is an opportunity for me to put it right and show everybody i am the comeback king.