Is pleasure overriding commitment?

I am clear on my mind that promiscuity is not unscrupulous — this is what I believe and therefore can be considered as my disclaimer statement before you start reading this.

Recently the National Award winner Bollywood queen proclaimed that there is nothing wrong in being sexually active with multiple partners (“being sexually active does not mean you are a Whore”). I am not questioning her viewpoint — let the media blow it out of proportion. If you are still thinking of it, just imagine that this is been said by a king… and the judgmental mind may cease to analyze it any further! — “Ok, so, what’s the big deal?”

My concern is more social — are we getting into a time when sexual pleasure will prevail over long-term commitments? Are we going to perceive romance and love through sexual pleasure only?

• “I starve for sex”
• “More I have, more I want…”
• “I give a damn to faithfulness…I gave my everything, got bullshit in return…I want peace”
• “Over the last 10 years I had sex with many people, in many places, in many ways”
• “I separated from my partner because I do not love him anymore — and I realized the lost love the day I slept with someone else”

To me, these words are not trendy. And these facts do not seem to stand as strong motives to give up a trusted relationship anyway. Indulging in sexual pleasure is a way of setting yourself free — you can still remain in a committed relationship and brew love. The only thing important here is the trust factor.

Adultery is a growing phenomenon among young Indians. The reason for “looking out” seems severed if you consider ‘self-integrity’ as the key anthropological component. The seepage of integrity may be contributed to the fast-tracked lifestyle that the current generation follows.

Time plays an important role -the lack of it fails to establish the trust that may help build the bond stronger with your current partner. The pleasure factor creeps in through this seepage — you want everything fast and easy.

Money plays a big role here — it facilitates pleasure — you get whatever you want, whenever you want, even if you cannot afford it yourself at that point of time.

Availability assists your desire — you share your unhappiness too easily with people who are still half-known to you.

So by the time you are 30, you have already been through many encounters and have overgrown yourself as a sexually active human. As you grow older (following the same practice), you tend to drift away from your morality and start looking for renewed pleasure with every new relationship — you accept the past as a mistake and look to love your new partner all over again. By the time you reach middle-age, you start practicing abstinence in phases but bounce back more heavily on the slightest opportunity. Slowly but surely you start disbelieving the simple idea of love.

Pleasure is momentary. If you really want to sustain happiness do something about it. Start trusting people and commit yourself — there is nothing more beautiful than someone who goes out of their way to make life beautiful for others — focus on love.

I have been a relationship for two years — but I failed to establish the trust factor in my partner. I tried my best, but when I realized that it is not going to work out and things might be getting from worse to worst, I rolled back and came back to my wife with whom I cannot be the same ever again. But, I feel at peace now when I see my son happy. I am happy to express my thoughts with enough freedom and it doesn’t matter to me if people judge me on my emotional upsurge.