Phone Sex, Real Sex and Beyond…

So I’ve been single for about 3 years now, and in truth it does sometimes get a little lonely, so from time to time, I have a phone sex buddy I make use of when my primal needs kick in to a point that I can’t turn off. Now for those of you who are reading this and judging me, at least I’m not out there fornicating with the whole world every time these needs take over. I prefer not to sleep around.

However, tonight I learned a valuable lesson, something I have known all along but never really thought about. I learned that people have different personalities when it comes to each facet of their lives. I always knew this about work, but throughout my years of failed relationships, I never really knew this applied to areas of the bedroom as well.

Earlier on, my phone buddy (I choose to keep his name anonymous) text-ed me for most of the day expressing his deepest sexual desires saying how much he could not get me out of his mind, how much he wanted me, and how he was waiting till he gets home so we could have a bit of phone fun. However, when he got home, those feelings had changed (due to circumstances I am not aware off) and he was no longer turned on enough to want to engage in some phone fun.

It was at this moment I took a chance and asked him something out of the ordinary relationship we had; I asked him if I could call him, under the pretense of him keeping me company over the phone while I smoked a cigarette. Once I called, I was not suprized to find that the guy on the other end of the line, to be simply-put; normal. He said to me that I sounded nothing like what I usually sound like and that I actually sounded normal. To which I replied “am I supposed to sound like a nymphomaniac or a slut?” He just laughed saying he couldn’t believe how normal I actually was. Through this reaction I realized the sadness behind this situation, that most people are afraid to express their inner sexual desires, unless its to a person they have never met or will never see again. They do not want to engage in these fantasies with their partner for fear of rejection, embarrassment, or harsh judgment by the person whom they love. In my opinion, sexual embarrassment (as I term it) is one of the many causes why divorce is on the rise because this inevitably leads to infidelity in relationships.

For me, having sex, making love, or “getting busy with it” as some like to call it, is an act of fun, pleasure, adventure and an opportunity to create a bond with your significant other, shared only between the two of you. These days the value of such things seems to have diminished, with people in relationships feeling that they have to live two very separate lives in order to get the best of both worlds; i.e. The love and respect of their partner in one world, and the pleasure of their deep inner sexual desires from an outside source in another world. This may be the reason why some people are emotionally unavailable with having to constantly try to maintain a balance between both their worlds. Heaven only knows how many times I have been approached by married men to do things to them that they think their wives will never do. But herein lies the problem, when you get married or you’re in a committed relationship, there should be a natural understanding of what is expected out of that relationship, besides love. Sexual needs play a major role in the functionality and longevity of a relationship in my opinion, as if you are not sexually satisfied with your partner or you do not feel free to reveal what your true sexual desires are, then you will slowly start to distance yourself from your partner to the point where the gap is just so large that it cannot be bridged.

Also, with the amount of instant messaging applications and dating apps where people can meet for a quick “hook up”, one must do all they can to protect their relationship from outside interference by giving yourself completely to your partner, so that they do not feel the need to cheat.

But after all this, if your partner still cheats, then they’re just natural born sluts, so leave their somewhat inferior posteriors and move on to someone who will appreciate you for your personality, your soul, as well as your bold bedroom antics.

Much Love

Sunflowers in the City