Drive

Photo 2018 A. Granheim

And there were days that went by that seemed like forever, miles and miles of no destination, sunrises were painful and I would drive until the sun would set in the L.A. skies.

The California sunset always has the answers to the questions that I ponder in my heart, fuck the ones that I seem to replay in my mind, they never really mattered anyway. Empty promises to myself that I was afraid to even try to fulfill.

The ocean breezes whisper my secrets to the heavens where you can hear them, I still tell them to you even though you left. I sometimes see your beautiful soul walking Sunset Boulevard as if you still belong there. You never really belonged there. We were both pretending to drive to destinations that were never meant for us. Sunset stole your breathe just as you once took away mine.

Palm trees tower over the memories, rain falls once in a while on my face, and when I think of you it drowns my tears. The fragility of life is lost on Sunset and Vine, the harsh reality of what life can do to you so quickly flashes before my eyes just like the man who asks me if I have any change. I was forced to change, who I was, who I am, who I want to be. I am no longer who I was when you knew me. I will never go back there again. That empty boulevard of dreams.

I have found solace in a place that felt like hell for so long, it now feels like home. I could never imagine this being home since you’ve been gone, but now there are days when I forget you were here, I forget who you were, and then the Los Angeles traffic reminds me slowly, alone on the 405, dead end streets open up for me now and I see the light at the end of the tunnel.

And there are days when I look up at the heavens, I see your face in the clouds, and amongst strangers I say the things I need to say to you out loud. I loved you as much as I hated myself. This road could wind on forever and I would continue to drive until I see you again, no matter the miles, no matter the days, to the ends of the earth I would have followed you, you were always welcome in my passenger seat.