Hope In A Locket

Angiest

I keep my hope in my grandmothers heart shaped locket,
Worn on a chain around my neck.
I wear my heart on my sleeve.
I store my faith in myself,
my own self worth in the hands of a man I’ve never met.

If I told you that I used to love you
Would you even hear me?
Or is your vision too blurred to recognize me anymore?
I blur right in with that powder you keep in your top drawer, the same pure white snow I despise,
I know, I wasn’t supposed to know.
You give yourself away because it shows in your eyes.
Straws on mirrors,
reflections of you,
powder left behind,
I wonder if I ever really even cross your mind.

As the fog rolls in off the hills of California I wonder why I’m even here.
Years and years of pretending that this is good for me,
This shit isn’t good for anybody.
You look at me as if I was the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen,
If you would just open your eyes you would see the devil in me.
I am not just a pretty face that you greet once in a while on a silky pink pillow.
And if nothing changes nothing will ever change.
Empty at the core.
I run to places I’ve never seen before because they seem familiar.
I run from places I’ve been too because they seem so foreign.
I looked to you for a safe place to land,
You look to me to score.
I know people,
Well guess what baby,
I don’t even know you anymore.

I think I’m slowly breaking free,
I don’t want this life with you.
And I try and try to let love resonate with me,
I leave and come back,
My mother in the back of my head screaming at me,
My heart shattered in pieces on the floor,
This king sized bed seems so fucking cold.
At what point does this get so old that we call it quits.
It’s been a long time since this shit has been legit.

So, for now, my hope will stay in a safe place,
Maybe I will open that locket up one day and let it out,
Or maybe the entire thing will just fade away.
Mother Fucking Gemini,
I should have known better.
But don’t worry baby,
These are just words.
I’m not going anywhere,
I’m not perfect either.

Angiest

Written by

Angiest

Los Angeles based writer. I fall in love easily with people and words.

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