Roam

The Wedge, California ~ A. Granheim Photography

I have watched you walk this journey that you are on for a while,
Miles and distance between us, 
Time is a thief of the best parts of a friendship,
There are days when I just wish I could see that beautiful smile.
I miss it more than I don’t.

There are days when we would walk for miles in the wrong direction,
and there are years when we take our esteem to a new level of deprivation.
Left in the dark in the middle of a place we know longer recognize ourselves,
Wondering what the fuck happened.
How did we get here?
Where are the anchors that used to hold us down.
Then we remember they left us, 
We did that.
We pushed them out to sea before allowing them to save us. 
No life jacket,
No Coast Guard,
No way of knowing we would fall so god damn hard.
Knowing this journey is wrong we take solace by the hand in a song,
In the corner of the room where the numb meets the lonely.
Know what I mean, Romey?
We can’t live our entire lives acting all stoney,
only Post Malone can get away with that shit.
We are not famous,
My A.P. isn’t psycho.
That’s all in my head.
Sitting around waiting on recovery.
Never once did I think that would be me.
Or you.
Or us.

We roam into the places that are bad for us and we expect good things.
And then one day the sun shines in a little, and we realize that the things we are missing out on are the things that we are supposed to be doing.
Bring good into the world.
Be the change.
No longer using.
And here comes the rain again, 
A flood of emotions. 
Falling on my head like a memory.
Day one of looking for a new version of myself.
Recovery.

The steps you are taking now won’t be easy.
The pain will come pouring through the lining of your soul and make you feel.
You are a fighter.
You are a warrior.
You can do this better than you think you can.
Don’t let doubt and fear run things in your head,
those bitches don’t pay rent there.
Nothing that they tell you is real.
You are the captain now, this ship is yours.
Ride those waves like you have surfed them your entire life,
Better than Slater,
If not now, then when?
What if it is too late later.
Don’t turn around,
There isn’t anything to see in the rear view mirror.
Nothing safe is ever worth the drive.
Everything is much better when you actually feel alive.
I promise.

I am proud of you.
This road will not always be easy, but it will be better.

I love you my friend.
And, whatever you may do,
Wherever you may roam,
If you stand or if you fall,
I will be there for you.

Enjoy the journey.