The Betrayal of a Mistake.

You’re suppose to learn from your mistakes. You’re suppose to become better after them and take them in and never have regrets. But mistakes are still mistakes and people change from it, whether it’s you, your boss or trainer. They say everything will be alright but they look at you differently. They act different around you. They don’t trust you as much as they use too (if they trusted you at all). They tell you to learn from your mistakes but everyone acts like you stabbed them in the back. You betrayed them. You see the disappointment in their faces. You know what they are saying inside of their heads. “I taught you correctly, why did you make this mistake? Why is this even a problem? Do we need to go over this again?” After awhile, the words “learn from your mistakes” start to phase out and mean very little and what do you do? You stick it out and see what your punishment is or you run away from it all. You seclude yourself from everyone. They ask you if everything is alright but they don’t really care. Your bright and loud personality is gone and is replaced with a straight and narrow sight, kind of like you’re looking down a scope of a rifle. The target is you and somehow you’re looking down that barrel at yourself.

But did you really make a mistake? You paid attention but, more importantly, you double clicked. You know you did. Your brain saw it. You felt the mouse buttons click. You heard the “tap tap”. You did everything right and yet you did everything wrong. You are mad because all of your senses betrayed you, and now, how are you suppose to trust yourself? Those senses that you trained and put time into and with one mistake all that trust is gone.

This also makes you wonder about the people. People lie, cheat, steal and never take claim to their own actions. They are as desperate as you are. Trying to make it in this world. Would you do the same as what they did? If you saw a freebie, would you take it? It’s easy to say no now. You’re angry. You’re mad at yourself for what you did. The deep breathes are not working. The jokes are not working. Yeah, it’s simple to say “no, I would never do that!”. But would you really?

Wow! I Think this really worked. I should write more often.

So…Now what? How do you fix this?

You’re never going to change the way people think and act. Not here at least. People will always lie, cheat, steal and never, ever claim to their own actions and mistakes. Every person you look at is going to remind you of that one time you betrayed everyone. So you do a little more than normal. You ask questions, verify even more. You basically don’t trust anyone.

As for yourself, You train more. You teach yourself how to do things correctly. You go one motion at a time and recognize your movements. You don’t second guess anything. If something is wrong you go at it as if there is something wrong. The trust shouldn’t be in your movements but in yourself.

Things happen. Mistakes will happen. I don’t know how I became so hard on myself but I need to learn how to forgive and forget. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. Better to make sure that you’re doing something right then to guess and guess wrong.

I will make mistakes now and in the future. So will you. Like I said, it happens.