Fierce Female Friendships

“Boyfriends and girlfriends come and go but this…is for life.” — Phoebe Buffay

The first time I heard this line when I was watching this episode of Friends, I remember saying “YES!” and pumping a fist in the air. I also read an article long back that asked me to cherish my friendships all throughout my life and not only when I needed them because it is these friendships that we sustain our happiness on. These words really resonated with me. They became a part of my subconscious mind.

I cannot speak for anyone else. So I will speak only for myself. I do not like it when people differentiate between friendships and relationships. A friendship is a relationship. Much like any other bond, a friendship needs work. It has to stand the test of time, distance and a range of human emotions. But the good friendships, especially between women, are golden.

You know, they’re not exaggerating when they say these friendships teach you a lot. My first friend was someone I met when I was three years old and she was two and a half. We didn’t always have the luxury of living in the same city and we were really young when she moved away. But that didn’t matter. She taught me how to write letters, how to describe my whole world in the span of a few pages. She taught me how to have opinions on all the books I read and the movies I watched and the music I listened to from a very early age so that I could tell her about it in these very letters. She taught me how to cherish old memories from when we were bench partners and she taught me how to make new ones and share them with her. We still don’t live in the same city or even the same country for that matter. We are however friends and have been embellishing the word with golden and silver stars for over twenty years.

Life is hard. Luck is not always on your side. People are not always nice to you. Circumstances sometimes really, really get to you. But you know what? Your girl friends make the ride easier. They are always on your side even if they disagree with you. They consider it their job to be by your side no matter what mess you get yourself into. When people are being not so nice, they’re on the other side of the phone or the table, listening to you. It’s not like their lives are perfect. Heck, no one’s life is. That’s why it’s our job as women, as fierce female friends to be there for each other. Have you felt a load being lifted off your shoulders after you’ve spoken to them, after you’ve found at least one joke to laugh about? I met one of my best friends when I was in school. We didn’t really hit it off in the beginning. But today I know that first impressions can be wrong sometimes. We met again in college. She became my best friend. She’s stood by me through so many seasons of my life. Ten years later, my roommate is asking me what I’m doing while I type this.

I love my friends. I always have. It’s a bunch of ridiculously strong women scattered across the world nourishing these wonderful relationships and chasing after these amazing careers. I have heard a lot of people telling me that marriage changes things, that friendships take a backseat. I think it is a matter of choice, much like anything else. Yes, it isn’t easy because although we now have more people in our lives, we’re still only left with 24 hours in a day. But it is still a choice. I am in my mid-twenties and some of my friends are married. Some of them even have kids. One such friend is very dear to me. I’ve seen her as a fun classmate, a helpful colleague, a loving wife and a beautiful mother. While she kicks ass at all these roles, my favourite one is that of her as a friend.

I met the Cristina Yang to my Meredith Grey when I went to university. In fact when I thought of writing this article, she immediately popped into my head. I met her at a time when I didn’t really know myself all that well. You see, it was my dream to be a writer since I was a little kid. I am the girl who grew up wanting to be part of the school newspaper. But I didn’t think I could fulfill that dream. And then I met her. Today, I am a writer by profession. I have also written 30 poems, several articles and 27 stories, 3 of which are novellas. These stories bring joy to people. I make people smile through the gift of words. In fact, I have a whole gang of friends that I made solely through my writing. That’s all her, people. I once told her, “I can’t.” And she replied, “Why not?” Ever since then, every time I want to do something but I’m afraid, I ask myself “why not?” and I do it. That’s all her. She is my person.

Have you ever thought of your future? I know I have. It is not always clear. We don’t really know where we’re going. In fact, in our twenties, it seems like we will probably never know. At least that is how I feel. But I comfort myself picturing these friends around me. We’re forty, trying to juggle the challenges of life and telling each other about it. We’re fifty, trying to sort out issues we probably haven’t even thought of right now and telling each other about it. We’re seventy, grumbling about aches and pains and telling each other about it. As long as we’re fiercely there for each other, I think we’ll be okay.

I am blessed to meet these women wherever I go. School friend turned college friend turned life friend, a college friend who always looks out for me, a princess in every sense of the word, a Cheshire cat, a Carrie, colony friends turned family, family with hearts of platinum, a Hitchhiker’s Guide introducer, a great hug giver, a sista pen pal, super supportive reader buddies, work buddies that make work a great place and love you for all your quirks, a roommate with a ‘World’s best roommate’ t-shirt…This is my favourite life list. I wish it keeps growing and I keep meeting more of these awe-inspiring women wherever I go.

These women that I’m talking about, we’re not really similar. We’re writers, architects, doctors, managers, CAs and countless other professions. We’re dog lovers, cat people, cookie eaters, foodies, readers, shoppers, travellers and countless other interests. But they helped me understand that people can be different. We can have our own identities. We need not always agree with each other. What matters is we are each other’s supporters.

So “special” is not a special enough word for these women. One song is not enough a dedication for them. Today at this juncture in my life, all I can say is, if you have as special a crew as I do, a group of wonderful women who will fiercely protect you, fiercely love you and fiercely be there for you despite all your weirdness, you hold on to them. You fight for them. As fiercely as you can.