Hard to resist: A stupid question deserves a stupid answer!
There is an annoying trend going on where (young) people try to get self-assured about their country by asking stupid questions like: If the Earth is attacked by an alien army, which nation would fend most of them off militarily? You know they all want to hear “The US!” and cheers a-plenty. But sometimes I can’t resist and post an equally stupid answer!
I guess that would totally depend on what kind of “alien” we are talking about here. And what motivates them. Let us just assume they are actually in possession of very advanced weaponry and have spied on us for some time.
Their motivation is to subdue Earth and steal some resources they consider essential.
So having already identified the most powerful nations as well as our communications networks and national seats of powers, they will start by destroying all satellites in space while at the same time starting an orbital bombardment of major seats of power and network nodes.
The Internet would be down in minutes, but if you are lucky perhaps you get one last desperate tweet of Washington, Tokyo, Moscow, Paris, London, Berlin, etc being turned to ashes.
Because they are super-funny aliens at heart, next they precision bomb all our nuclear silos & reactors which their sensors easily picked up and of course the larger military installations, too. But then they decide to give us a moment to contemplate on rising radiation levels, while painting circles into cornfields with a turbo laser.
Meanwhile we probably get some kind of communication back up. Probably simple radios. And some third-row politician or other who survived will tell everyone to stay calm and the remaining military of country X, wherever you live, will try to reorganize.
Many people commit suicide because they can’t reach twitter anymore and no one has of yet told them if the aliens are SJWs/leftist liberals or alt-right dudes.
In fact they are neither. They rejected the idea of making their own lives more miserable through political debate when they found that with their technology it is more fun to ruin other lifeforms worlds. The name of their political system is hard to translate but essentially means Joyful Destructionism. It is btw mandatory for the Aliens to be happy at all times!
This is when the aliens realize that it is best to pulverize the US, Russia, China some more. Mostly because all the babbling gets on their nerves. Humans are a nasty species and it is always good to raise the despair rate.
This goes on for about a month, before the aliens do get bored and finally ask the world to surrender. To add to the mood they fire on the pole caps a few times and coastal cities vanish in tidal waves. They thought we were working on that anyway. A show of efficiency.
They demand the immediate delivery of:
10000 Wendy Burgers
50000 Apple Pies
100000 l of Bavarian beer
100% shares in Valve/STEAM (which with all the anti-alien games they consider a hoard of bigotry and hate speech)
They then genetically enhance all surviving turtles of the Galapagos isles and make them their new governors on Earth.
With that done and not a single shot fired because no weaponry on Earth was ready to deal with them, they depart for more fun in a galaxy far far away.
Anyone thought I’d say “The US and Russia?” or nonsense like that? ;)
Just joking. You are too clever to believe that.
